Entertainment
9 Quotes From Kim Kardashian's 'Harper's Bazaar' Feature That Are A Million Times Better Without Context
As the great romantic poet John Keats wrote in the masterful Ode on a Grecian Urn, "beauty is truth, truth beauty." And as Kim Kardahsian said when she shared what 24 hours with her is like for Harper's Bazaar, "I love baths." Both of these quotes (one by virtue of its artistic merit, one for the sake of being said by a celebrity) are likely to end up on an online quote database a lá Brainy Quote.
For Kim, it doesn't stop there. Her April 2015 Harper's Bazaar feature, in which she enumerates every mundane aspect of her day, is chock-full of quotes that are hilarious when you take them out of context. Some of them are just non-thoughts. Others are cryptic. Others are surprisingly poetic. I've pulled some of the hilarious #KimThoughts from this piece, extracted all contextual clues, and arranged them here for your viewing pleasure. Also, I've provided their corresponding inspirational quote stock imagery — as every great proverb should have a landscape behind it.
Quote #1
Quote: “I like this new station called Venus and another called Heat.”
What she’s talking about: Her favorite stations on satellite radio.
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Some new kind of spa treatment that may be a hybrid between color therapy and an oxygen bar.
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: Its inscrutable nature.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Aerial view of luxury car driving down the California 101.
Quote #2
Quote: “My favorite mode of communication is texting.”
What she’s talking about: How much she loves texting.
What it sounds like she’s talking about: How much she loves texting.
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: She seems to believe this phenomenon is unique to her.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Two beaming girls in sunglasses holding their phones and loving life.
Quote #3
Quote: “I love baths.”
What she’s talking about: The benefits of taking a bath versus taking a shower.
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Loving baths.
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: Sheer banality.
Corresponding stock image: A woman sinking into a luxurious clawfoot tub with bubbles pouring out of it.
Quote #4
Quote: “We just started seeing a nutritionist who changes our diet every 10 days.”
What she’s talking about: Her and Kanye West’s breakfast routine
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Cruel and unusual punishment
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Corresponding inspirational stock image: A family of deer grazing on a plane with the Rockies on the horizon.
Quote #5
Quote: “We break only if we eat, if we break at all.”
What she’s talking about: Photoshoots
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Factory labor
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: A general sense of foreboding.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Black and white image of a boy dressed in 1930s garb thrusting his fist into the air.
Quote #6
Quote: “I had no idea what I was saving, just memories, really.”
What she’s talking about: Her collection of selfies
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Being a precocious child who religiously collects mementos in order to counteract the fleeting nature of existence.
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: It’s unexpectedly poetic.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Sepia-toned photo of a girl holding an antique box overflowing with polaroid photos.
Quote #7
Quote: “I’m usually so tired, I just pass out.”
What she’s talking about: Her bedtime routine
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Chronic fatigue syndrome
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: It seems like a reason that someone should visit the doctor.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Black and white photo of a crisply made bed with one corner of the covers pulled back.
Quote #8
Quote: “…at first I can hardly see the screens because they’re so bright and my room is so dark.”
What she’s talking about: Waking up and checking her Blackberry and iPhone. (Yes, she has both.)
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Being kidnapped and waking up in a 30th Century intergalactic jail
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: Trippiness
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Extreme close-up of a pair of eyes reflecting a thousand screens.
Quote #9
Quote: “I don’t need anything fast.”
What she’s talking about: Her preference for classical music during her workouts.
What it sounds like she’s talking about: Living in the South, where things are a little slower. Maybe sex.
Value as an unexpected inspirational quote: As a reminder to stop and smell the roses.
Corresponding inspirational stock image: Two people in beach chairs on a tropical shore, Coronas planted in the sand.
