I am cold literally 100 percent of the time. So as the warmer weather is quickly approaching, I am prepping myself to deal with all the things people constantly say to me about wearing pants all summer long. Apparently it's some sort of seasonal crime or something.
Let me make this clear: I don't wear pants because I don't like my thighs or because I feel immodest in shorts. I wear them simply because I am so much more comfortable in pants, emotionally and temperature-wise. I bounce from cold coffee shop to cold coffee shop while I'm writing, and spend others days working part-time at my eternally frigid church. And for all of those times you don't know what type of get-together you're going to or not sure of who will be there, pants are always the easiest choice.
Those of you who judge us cold-blooded individuals, I encourage you to either come up with better questions to ask about our pants or just stop altogether. We realize that we're wearing pants. We dressed ourselves that morning, so there's no need to point it out yet again. Please, just let us live.
1. "Aren't you hot?"
Why yes. Yes I am.
Oh, you mean because of the pants? No. Again, I dressed myself. I knew the temperature and I knew what I was putting on my body. I'm comfortable.
2. "You have such nice legs! You don't need to wear pants!"
This just stirs up more questions: Uh, thanks? Did I say I didn't have nice legs? And why does having nice legs mean I can't wear pants? What even constitutes "nice legs"? Stop talking.
3. "Do you even own shorts?"
Yes, I do. But you don't get to see me in them.
4. "Not all shorts are too short, you know."
I'll admit that when I do wear shorts, I don't gravitate toward the super short, pull down when you sit down and stand up, shorts. But I also understand, have shopped for, and have bought shorts that were not too short and not Bermudas. I know they exist; I just like these pants better.
5. "Sorry it's too cold in here for you!"
No need to apologize. I've come up with my own way of dealing, obviously.
6. "You'll never get a boyfriend that way."
I've actually had a friend's mom say this to me when I ran into her at the grocery store in the middle of June wearing pants. First off, I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and he doesn't seem to mind. Second, who cares?
7. "...That's really weird."
I simply do not care that you think it's weird I wear pants all the time. I do care that I'm going have to shave my legs so much fewer times than you because I'm warm.
8. "OMG, it's making me hot to look at you wearing those."
9. "But it's SO humid outside!"
Yes. I am standing outside, too. Right beside you. I am well aware of the weather.
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