Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Baby North West Will Live a Life of Confusion
Just when we were settling into a good few years of laughing at Kaidence West, Kimye has switched it up on us, as well as their poor baby. According to reports, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West decided to name their newborn child North West, which brings up three questions:
1. What the absolute fuck?
2. How did they not consider that naming your child after a direction would necessitate a long life full of ridicule (as if Baby North wasn't already destined for that)?
2. Why North West? Their child is going to grow up in the southwest of the United States, so what happened there? Poor baby North will be so confused. As of yet, she's never been to the Northwest.
So here's my theory: Kim was pregnant with twins, but North ate the other twin, who was evil, so now the spirit of South West sits on her teeny baby shoulder and whispers naughty things into her ear. Ridiculous, but still not as ridiculous as naming your child after a compass orientation. There are so many difficulties she'll have to deal with. I feel more pity than amusement (although, to be fair, I'm still pretty amused).
What if she eventually wants to go to Northwestern? How will she know not to look up every time someone gives directions in her presence? Will she feel out of place because she is solidly in the Southwest? Will she feel an immediate kinship with One Direction? I just don't know the answers to these questions but gosh darnit Kimye, you better have some when the inevitable magazine spread comes out confirming your baby's name. Because we're all confused, and we're not sure your appropriate-baby-naming compass was due North.