Did A Drunk Person Or A Toddler Do These Things?

by Jamie Kenney

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Living with a child is like living with a very small, very drunk friend. They laugh and cry at inappropriate times. They are extremely emotional. They tell impossible stories that go nowhere and make absolutely no sense.They make very poor decisions without thinking of the consequences. Their coordination is crappy and they fall down a lot. They will throw up and pee on you and not apologize. So Buzzfeed's clever and hilarious new video where people guess if a story is about a drunk person or a kid really just drives home what I've been saying for years. Parents everywhere will watch this and think, "Yeah. Duh. This is truth."

But seriously, think about half of your drunk stories and any of your crazy childhood stories: If you changed just a few details, they're basically interchangeable, right? Let's do a little exercise: I'll tell you some stories from my own life (I don't want to spoil the game for when you watch the video below) and you tell me if it's about a drunken adult or a child.

I sobbed because someone gave me a drink of water immediately after I asked for it. After bawling for about ten minutes, I went into my room, put on a tutu, slapped a bow in my hair, and declared, "I'm happy again!"

Answer: kid. Specifically my son.

Here's another

I went to go see an animated film in a movie theater. I screamed warnings to the main character for the duration of the movie, because I feared if I didn't she wouldn't realize the danger she was in.

Answer? I was drunk. So drunk.

And the movie was Coraline, and I regret nothing because she didn't seem to realize that woman was not her mother! That woman had button eyes. BUTTON EYES!

One more:

It was Easter and everyone was having champagne. I went around finishing whatever was left in unattended flutes before I eventually found the bottle and just drank from there.

Trick question! I was a child and drunk!

(Okay, definitely not really drunk: my mom quickly saw what I was doing and put a stop to it. Plus this was the '80s. Have you seen car seats and playground equipment from the '80s? Drinking alcohol was probably one of the safer things I was doing.)

Without further ado, please enjoy the game in the full video below (and check out #drunkorakid on Twitter).

Images: andrew_mc_/Flickr; Jamie Kenney(3)