Whatever your stance on butt sex, it's probably not the first sex you had, or the kind you have the most often. And that alone can make it seem a bit intimidating — a great unknown. Everything we do sexually was a little bit intimidating before we actually did it, right? What is it about the butt that makes it the most misunderstood and still-taboo area with which to get naughty? A lot of people have anxiety about cleanliness, or wonder if it would be too painful. Turns out we may want to take (or receive?) that plunge after all. Anal sex can lead to some of the most explosive orgasms, but it's a unique area with its own special conditions and needs. So what should you do before you have anal sex?
Whether you've had it or not, pregaming anal sex definitely helps — and can make it better. Think of it like a pre-workout for your butt. From butt plugs to booty kegels, there are plenty of ways to up your anal game that you've probably never even thought about. We've consulted some experts, and the consensus is that you can have some pretty damn hot anal sex. But you need to spend some time preparing first!
1. Butt Plugs And Small Dildos
"It's like a pre-workout for your ass. Also if you are really into anal sex, it gets your butt aroused!" says Payton Sin Claire, an award-nominated adult performer. "For you beginners, I always suggest you start with maybe a finger or some toys, and let the heat rise ... I think you become more in a relaxed state, which obviously makes it easier to do anal."
2. Do Your Booty Kegels
"One thing a partner taught me was to control my anal sphincter, contracting the muscle much like a kegel exercise," says Katrina “Rainsong” Messenger. "This, combined with slow, deep breathing, kept my body soft and relaxed, and gave me something to focus on." Then, when you’re actually being penetrated, use that exercise to open when your partner goes in.
3. Pregame In The Shower
Take a nice warm shower together, suggests Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS. It can help relax you and your muscles and serve as a part of foreplay. Plus, if either of you has anxiety about cleanliness, then this way, you both know you are squeaky clean.
4. Cleaning Out Is Key
"If people think that random spontaneous anal sex really happens, like in the movies, then you are seriously kidding yourself!" says Sin Claire. "I always do at least two enemas before I initiate!"
5. Start Slow
Make sure you have a good lube on hand. Start verrrrrry slowly. Happy, healthy anal sex should be more about the fun of the journey than achieving a goal, says Katz. Using small silicone anal beads or just a pinkie to start, go slowly, until the receiver is asking for more, more, more! Always better to have them begging for more than saying "ow" or "stop." Keep up communication, add in a vibrator if it feels good, and have a great time!
6. Keep The Pace Slow
You started slow. Now stay slow. When it comes to anal play, rushing can be your biggest mistake, says Julian Wolf, an educator and performer. All of the nerve endings and delicate skin which make play in this area so delightful require tenderness — at least, when you're getting started. Gloves and lube are your friends. Whether it's sexy purple nitrile or classic latex, gloves make your hands smoother and can help ease any concerns about cleanliness for both parties. Lube goes hand in hand with anal play; something thick will feel great and work wonders.”
7. You Don’t Have To “Take” It …
You can go after it. "Instead of waiting to be penetrated, I found what worked for me was to back up onto the toy or penis. That way, I control the speed and the depth!" says Messenger.
8. Lube Like It's Going Out Of Style
You can’t have too much. And when you think you have enough, get more. "The anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina. Help your body out, and everything goes a lot more smoothly," says Messenger.
Images: Lies Thru a Lens/Flickr; Giphy