We've all had moments when we wanted to have a hugely dramatic, movie-style resignation a la Andrew Garfield's character in The Social Network. Unfortunately, despite our desire to smash a few laptops on our way out, most of us can't afford to burn bridges that irreparably, which is what makes stories like this Reddit user's ultra-sarcastic two-week notice so popular online. Our anonymous hero, who is presumably American and goes by the username Gahdzuks, recently uploaded their incredibly sardonic resignation letter to Reddit, the Daily Mail reports. The resentful employee takes the opportunity to "apologize" for a number of situations beyond their control, such as their stepmother's sudden death from cancer, a sickness that kept them from work, and the subsequent doctor appointments that caused them to need more time off. (In the comments on Reddit, Gahdzuks later clarified that they missed "two nonconsecutive days and left early for one other" overall.) Gahdzuks then goes on to express their regrets for working unpaid overtime for the past seven months, writing that they are "clearly... a terrible employee." In a final parting shot, the letter closes with a recommendation for the employer. "I know you hate people telling you how to do your job, but I suggest you start looking for my replacement," Gahdzuks writes. "Immediately."
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Yikes. Them's fightin' words. Gahdzuks is far from the only person to quit their job in a dramatic fashion — remember the barista who announced his resignation with the help of a barbershop quintet, or the Alaskan reporter who quit rather spectacularly on live TV? — but they definitely know their way around a strongly-worded letter.
Judging from their comments on Reddit, however, this wasn't the final draft. "All you have seen of me is what amounts to a misposted rant that did result in a professionally worded two-week notice," Gahdzuks wrote in response to one user's comment censuring the note's unprofessionalism. "The actual letter I gave her was short and to the point, with no passive aggressive stuff in it," they told another.The letter may have never made it into their boss's hands, but at least Gahdzuk had the satisfaction of getting their feelings out on paper before doing something they might regret later. Check out the letter in all its impressively sarcastic glory below.