This Angry 5-Year-Old Girl Is Moving Out
Every now and then, someone drops some stone cold truth on you. One child unreservedly feeling her feelings is 5-year-old Saige, the little girl who tells her mother she is moving out, in no uncertain terms. I once had a college professor say something on the nature of children that has stayed with me to this day and has never once been proven inaccurate. Little Saige could use this as the subject of her thesis:
"Children feel their emotions very strongly. Before a certain age they don't have the words to express it so they just scream. And then as they get older they're able to use rationality and reason. But for a while they not only have no inhibitions but they also have a good grasp on language, so they can tell you exactly how they feel. So a child, for example my daughter, can say 'Daddy, I hate you. I hate you and I am going to throw you in the garbage, and the garbage men will take you away and you will live in a dump and I will never see you again and I will not be sad, but you will be so sad forever.' And if kids could act on these angry whims they would. Fortunately, children are very small."
Well, Saige didn't get Garbage Threat-level of dramatic, but it got pretty close. After Saige's brother Tanner threw dirt at her (Who throws dirt? Tanner, come on, dude! You're better than that!), homegirl got in what we in the parenting biz call "a snit" and informed her mom (who was SAIGE enough to start filming. See what I did there?) that she would be moving to her mother's best friend Jenn's house.
"I'm moving on! I've been in this house way too long! I should move!"
"How long have you been here?"
"For, like, five years!"
"Well, yeah, 'cuz you're five."
I feel like watching this adorable, impassioned child freak out and come up with what she thinks is a brilliant plan (she's moving out, and she's going to earn her keep: "I will make Jenn's house as clean as I can make it!") basically epitomizes how we all must look to our loved ones when we start freaking out about the same things over and over. Like, this is probably literally what my husband sees as he watches me threaten to take an axe to the cabinet in our house that holds all the pots and pans because everything is always stacked so precariously that moving one thing inevitably brings everything tumbling down. (Oh my God, I hate it so damn much.)
Enjoy the wild and wonderful rantings of Miss Saige. Honey, let us know when you move into Jenn's. I'll be sure to get you a really nice broom as a housewarming gift so you can keep it as clean as you can...