Paternity Test Needed: 6 Celebrities With Baby Daddy Drama in 2013
This year, 2013, has been a huge one for parental mishaps, unusual paternity tests, and baby mama (and fatha) drama in the world of celebrities. Who knew that Hollywood was secretly a huge episode of The Maury Show? Here we were, thinking Tinsel Town was mostly glitz and glamour when, in fact, there were sordid relationships and a distinct lack of birth control running rampant throughout L.A. And the baby-making among the rich and famous this year alone runs the gamut from seemingly normal to totally unbelievable. Be it Ronan Farrow's uncertain origins to Simon Cowell's shocking baby news, we've seen every type of family drama there is to see. It's a wonder we have the ability to be shocked anymore.
So, given that we've just experienced a banner year for Maury moments, it seems only right to round them up in one big, shocking papa-problematic group. If this doesn't make you thankful for your totally normal parents, then nothing ever will. Having a rich father like Simon Cowell might be great in terms of kickbacks, but the mama drama just doesn't seem worth it. Just remember kids: It's not just hicks that Maury manages to dredge up with daddy problems. Celebrities, and their children, have them too! Stars: They really are just like us.
Ronan Farrow was already having a big year as one of the few celebrity success stories on Twitter, but then his mother, Mia Farrow, let slip that Ronan's father may or may not be Frank Sinatra. Imagine the relief Ronan felt: In one fell swoop, he gained a crooner instead of an alleged pedophile as the potential provider of 50 percent of his genes. But the fact that no paternity test has ever been done means this is still a mystery that will haunt us forever.
Simon Cowell might be this year's most notable unexpected father, since he is due to have a child with the soon-to-be ex-wife of one of his close friends. Despite spending what appeared to be platonic times with pal and real estate mogul Andrew Silverman and his wife, Laura Silverman, the news that Laura was pregnant with Cowell's child shocked the world. And Andrew Silverman was shocked most of all. Here's to hoping Cowell is a nicer father than he is a musical judge and friend, eh?
But of course Owen Wilson couldn't let Simon Cowell go uncontested in fatherhood shock value, so he is now expecting a child with personal trainer Caroline Lindqvist. This wouldn't be terribly shocking — Lindqvist is in the midst of a divorce — but if timing is anything to go by, this baby was conceived before Lindqvist's divorce was initiated. Wilson, however, managed to avoid implication in his trainer's divorce proceedings (something Cowell failed to do), so here's to hoping Baby Wilson stands a chance at a less dramatic entry into the world.
Although Justin Bieber's paternity tests were far from the biggest Biebs news this year, they are a news item, one that is revolting on every level. Now, both paternity suits brought against Bieber have failed to reach the courts, so it is not confirmed whether Bieber actually propagated more little Bieber. But... just imagine. So many babies to carry him up the Great Wall of China!
Leave it to a Jersey Shore cast member to have the least classy paternity situation this year. Pauly D knocked up a Hooters waitress in Las Vegas, which is all well and good, but she proceeded to have the baby, tell her boyfriend it was his baby, but all the while pursue a paternity suit against DJ Pauly D. So now, Pauly has come around to the idea of being a dad, but this whole thing is rather sordid, and it's an honest surprise that the baby didn't come out covered in fake tan as well. Congrats, Pauly D.
Thankfully, there is one relatively normal conception on this list. Emile Hirsch is having a child with a Florida woman with whom he had a fling, and he plans on being involved in the child's life, because relatively normal mistakes can happen to celebrities.Yay! Can't you just picture, Hirsch and his child, hiking and traveling and talking about life à la Into The Wild (with a happier ending)? Aw.