Oral sex can be pretty divisive. Some of us love giving, but feel awkward when receiving. Some love receiving, but are hesitant at giving. Learning how to make oral sex better has a lot to do with reciprocity — but also exploring and knowing how to have fun."We all know our bodies best, our sensitive spots, the parts we want touched and kissed and the parts that don’t need stimulation. No two penises are the same, no two vulvas are the same so what might have felt good for a previous partner may not feel comfortable for the person you’re about to go down on," says Heidi Giewald, also know as Memphis Gee, an Australian sexual health and advice expert.
With this in mind it is important we communicate with our partner to make the experience pleasurable for both.
If Your Partner Has A Penis:
"Explore your partners’ genitalia, with the penis, gently kiss and lick the glans, encircle you tongue around the head of the penis and slowly insert the shaft in your mouth using a sucking vacuum type motion," says Giewald. Oral sex isn’t just about the mouth so don’t be shy to use your hands to grip the shaft making a pulling rhythmic motion (wanking!) in time with your mouth movements, Giewald says. "Remember to caress the scrotum, frenulum and other parts of the body too with your hands and mouth by kissing, touching, stroking, sucking while making eye contact every now and then. Watch out for your teeth, the scraping of teeth on the penis can kill the erection so ensure your lips are puckered over your teeth and ask if your partner likes soft bites," says Giewald.
If Your Partner Has A Vagina:
Make sure she is relaxed if she is not relaxed she’s not going to enjoy it, says Giewald. "Teasing with the tongue is always fun!" Giewald says. Caress her erogenous zones by gently kissing her thighs, neck, touching her breasts or any other part of her body she enjoys before making your way to her labia with your tongue and licking up and down making her moist. The way her body is responding (moving hips, moaning) is a good indication she is enjoying it, says Giewald. "Once again, oral sex isn’t just about the mouth if she feels comfortable with it use a vibrator on her clitoris or insert your finger(s) inside her vagina. When you increase the pressure on her clitoris with your tongue you may need to work out what type of stimulation she likes. Some women prefer a side-to side tongue movement while others may prefer up and down movement or gentle sucking/kissing of the clit."
1. Use your hands
Thinking you can get everything done with just your mouth is asking a lot of yourself, says sexuality educator and performer Julian Wolf. Using everything you've got for a better experience (and less jaw fatigue) for all involved.
“I actually vocalize this in every scene I do!" says Moe “The Monster” Johnson, a male porn star. "Use your hands, make it sloppy, and spit on it. Don’t be afraid of it, squeeze it tight, jerk it like you want to pull it off, but then kiss it like we’re making out — that’s what works for me.”
Whether you're clean-shaven or not, take proper care of your pubic hair. It may mean a good scrubbing, says Wolf. For those who sport a natural (and/or manicured) look, exfoliating will also help minimize any stray hairs.
3. 69 Is the way to go.
Know that it might feel silly until you find the right position, and just discuss that you might laugh, might need to adjust a few times and you might not "get it right" right away, says Wolf. You can "69" laying on your sides, too!. For some folks, that's more comfortable than classic the on the back/on all fours position.
4. Make it sweet.
5. Take your time getting to penis or vagina.
"Kiss, tease, lick and nibble your way across your partner’s chest, belly and thighs. By the time you get to their goodies they’ll be aching for your mouth!" says Messenger.
6. Don't make the orgasm the end goal.
One way for you to enjoy yourself more? Don't stress about your partner's orgasm as much. Take your time. "Some women get self-conscious about how long it will take to orgasm, so if she feels like you’re not in a rush this can be a turn on," says Giewald, "Make her feel good and don’t get caught up on trying to make her orgasm so take your time and to be present in the moment. If your goal becomes making her orgasm, you lose focus on having fun. Women will appreciate you making her feel special and enjoying yourself."
Communication is essential during sex — and oral sex is no different. "Ask your partner what he/she likes and have fun," says Giewald. Whether it's eye contact as you're going down on him or asking what she likes — it's important to stay connected.
"Communication is the key, you can ask her if it feels good, another indicator will be how her body is responding," says Giewald.
Remember, If you and/or your partner like giving and/or receiving oral, then give/receive oral. Trust that they wouldn't go there if they didn't want to, and you'll both enjoy yourselves much more, says Wolf.
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