Though I’m not proud to admit it, I will cop to faking an orgasm every now and then. Yes, me, a man, will fake an orgasm to put an end to the ceaseless marathon that is drunk sex. I haven’t done it much, but I’ve done it more than I should. But the reasons men fake orgasms are probably from what you thought. Though I will say I’m not entirely sure how often the average man fakes himself an orgasm. It must be a lot though, because the Internet offers a plethora of how-to guides on faking it.
If you’re wondering how a man can possibly fake an orgasm when there’s gooey evidence of the event, it’s simple: we use a condom. We will then make our having-an-orgasm-holy-shit-this-feels-amazing Degrassi-grade performance, then carefully and discreetly discard the empty condom into the closest wastebasket. We'll then throw on some Netflix, cuddle (once our boner’s gone, of course), and then go to sleep with you, our beloved partner, securely in our arms.
Despite the societal assumption that men will do just about anything for sex, sometimes we’ve had too much to drink or happen to be too tired and decide to throw in the towel on our efforts.
Like Amy Schumer details in her stand-up act (which is recorded in the third season), the media has made women out to be beings who don’t enjoy sex – which, of course, is ridiculous and totally false. Based on our most beloved sitcoms throughout the ages, sex has become a chore to them, a lot like doing laundry. Likewise, men are portrayed to be motivated by sex and only sex. Therefore, it’s assumed he should climax. Well, that doesn’t always happen.
But you should know that when (or if) he does fake it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing something wrong. It could be just the opposite, actually. In an interview with Salon back in 2013, Dr. Abraham Morgentaler, author of Why Men Fake it: The Totally Unexpected Truth , revealed that men fake orgasms because they’re “trying to do what [they] believed was the right thing by her.” Meaning, if she expects him to climax, he’s going to do it whether it actually happens or not. At that point, it’s become less of a sexual consequence, and more a matter of proving himself as a man.
In addition to this, a study from Kansas University found that 70 per cent of women and 30 percent of men will fake an orgasm. This means almost half as many men fake orgasms as women, which is certainly a frightening prospect considering the idea of men faking an orgasm has just recently hit the media. According to this study, the reason 58 per cent of men fake it is to avoid upsetting the person they’re sleeping with. This, of course, supports Dr. Morgentaler’s reasoning. However, 66 per cent of men believe their partners know they’re faking, according to The Economics of Faking Ecstasy survey.
So with statistics as strong as these, I say that if you’re in a committed relationship and you suspect him of faking it, encourage him to tell you the truth about his orgasm. Just don’t do it in a condescending way that could emasculate him —this is the worst thing you can possibly do. Every successful relationship is built on trust, so therefore if you suspect him of faking, address the situation by telling him it’s alright, and that you two will have another go at it later.
Like you, he only fakes out of love —he doesn’t want to disappoint you. And again, like you, he doesn’t want to admit he fakes it sometimes. But not admitting to it is a lie, and a lie is a weak foundation on which you build your relationship. So encourage him to say it like it is, because — you probably know as well as I do — our acting chops couldn’t even get us a role on a poorly received soap opera.
Images: Memphis-and-53rd/Flickr; Giphy