I didn't do anything for Halloween this year. I didn't even buy candy to hand out. Yep, I'm officially The Worst. For the past three years, my neighborhood has been, for lack of a less corny phrase, a ghost town on All Hallow's Eve, so every bag of mini Milky Ways goes to waste. And by "goes to waste" I mean "goes in my stomach." As much fun as it has been to eat all of the leftover candy, my teeth begged for a reprieve this year. I obliged. Last night, to my surprise, the streets were PACKED with kids in costumes. Of course. OF COURSE. I felt like a jerkface for ignoring the knocks on my front door, but I couldn't bear the thought of telling a group of adorable monsters that I had no candy to offer. Like I said, I'm THE WORST.
You know who else didn't celebrate Halloween last night? Gisele Bündchen. Granted, she and husband Tom Brady dressed up Monday night. Credit where credit is due. I've never seen The Wizard of Oz, but I get their costumes. So, nice work, you beautiful people. But on THURSDAY night, Bündchen wasn't hitting up parties or giving out Tootsie Roll Pops. Yeah! We're one in the same! I'm not a troll after all!
...Eh. I might be getting carried away. Bündchen wasn't mindlessly channel surfing in sweatpants. Bündchen was at Sao Paulo Fashion Week. Oh. Hmm. Well, there must be some similarities between our nights, right? Let me break down Gisele Bündchen's Halloween versus my Halloween:
GISELE: She flew to Brazil for Sao Paulo Fashion Week. ME: I drove to the Time Warner Cable store to return a router. Unbeknownst to me, they switched locations, so it was quite an adventure!
GISELE: She watched other models walk the runway while she also walked the runway.ME: I watched MTV reality show Scrubbing In. It is a reality show about young nurses. The highlight/low point of the episode was when one of the nurses callously made fun of a patient's gangrene-infected foot.
GISELE: She runway stomped up and down a catwalk at a fashion show.ME: I walked back and forth from my couch to my refrigerator to refill my water glass. I stomped a few times, but it wasn't a runway stomp. It was a "ugh, can't the fridge be closer?" stomp.
GISELE: Whatever she ate for dinner probably didn't come the frozen foods section of Trader Joe's. I'm going to assume it was something transcendent. If you were her, would you settle for anything less?ME: I ate chicken and Multigrain Blend with Vegetables from Trader Joe's for dinner. It was really good. Enjoyed the meal. Would recommend.
GISELE: She changed into two super hot Colcci ensembles. Unsurprisingly, she looked incredible.ME: I changed out of jeans and a sweater into sweats. Unsurprisingly, I looked like someone who could fall asleep at a moment's notice.
GISELE: She hung out with other Victoria's Secret models Erin Heatherton and Izabel Goulart during the fashion show. ME: I hung out with my roommate while he played Diablo III.
GISELE: Her husband joked around about egging houses as a kid.ME: My boyfriend's freshly-washed car was egged by kids last night.
GISELE: She didn't trick-or-treat, wear a costume, or hand out candy.ME: I didn't trick-or-treat, wear a costume, or hand out candy.
You mean to tell me the only thing I have in common with the highest-paid supermodel in the world is that I didn't celebrate Halloween last night? Eh, I'll take what I can get.