A New Invention To Win At Food Porn

Ah, food porn: The only genre of porn where the ending is the least satisfying part. But for any of us who've committed the crime of food photo posting on Instagram, there's now a company in Israel that's committed itself to making sure we get as many "likes" as possible: Carmel Winery has invented what they're dubbing "Food-O-Graphy" — that is, dishes designed for Instagramming food. No, I'm not kidding. These are a thing that actually exist.

According to the winery's video explaining "Food-O-Graphy," these plates are "the world's first Instagram dishes designed solely for the purpose of capturing the perfect shot of gourmet food through the lens of a smartphone." I don't think I could come up with a more "first-world" sentence if my life depended on it.

Personally, my Instagram feed can be riddled with food photos from time to time. Hey, maybe we're just super proud we didn't burn our dinner for once, or psyched that our dinner wasn't out of a can, or maybe our plate at a restaurant just really did look that good, or maybe we just want everyone to be jealous that we're eating sushi under an umbrella in the sun. Whatever the reasoning behind them, though, Carmel Winery wasn't thrilled with our photos: "The world's best chefs are using the art of plating to create beautiful, creative and appetizing dishes, but often times the magic is lost when diner take lackluster photos of the dishes with their smartphone cameras," says the video.

Uh... sorry?

At any rate, though, these dishes will apparently alleviate the problem of bad food photography. Here's what they've come up with:

The Limbo

Meet "The Limbo," a plate that cuts out "background interference". After all, when people go to your Instagram page to look at what you had for lunch because they just have to know, they don't want to see the blurry mid-chew face of your roommate across the table from you.

The 360

Let's not forget about "The 360," because the only thing better than looking at photos of other people's food are watching videos of other people's food.

Not only that, but thanks to these dishes, foodies can now can take special workshops in "Food-O-Graphy" for the whole food-on-phone experience:

But... I don't know. Personally, I agree with The Frisky's Claire Hannum when she says, "This event is probably awesome to plenty of people. But I just can’t." I mean, I already get annoyed watching food eating challenges on TV. How many people could have been fed with that fifteen-pound hamburger some dude just stuffed in his mouth in 20 minutes? Why do we need our food to be made into sculptures? What gives, universe?

Now we're not only making art out of our food, but putting science into how to make our food the most social media-friendly? #Facepalm. Maybe I'm being a Debbie Downer here, but I think I'll just stick with the five pity Instagram "likes" I get with my subpar food photos. Or, you know, maybe just stop posting pictures of food in general. After all, unless it's a picture of a dish we're going to get delivered to us and is actually going to be in our mouths in the next 10 minutes, then who really cares, anyway?

But hey, decide for yourself:

Images: Eran Nir/YouTube (3); Giphy; Getty Images