How To Get Yourself In The Mood For Sex When You Aren't Really Feeling It, Because No One Feels Sexy All The Time

Sex is awesome, and when we're in the zone, we're all about it. But there are other times when we just can't get there, no matter how much we're attracted to our partner, figuring out how to get turned on seems impossible. Whether it's a long day at work, stuff on our mind, or endless interruptions, sometimes it's just hard to feel sexy, let alone get sexy. And that's OK. We don't always have to be in the mood. But if we're trying to get there, there's always a few options out there that just may help us get there.

"Desire ebbs and flows for a variety of reasons — hormones, sleep cycles, mood, energy, and on and on. If you're struggling with getting in the mood and need a jumpstart, pick up some erotica, or find some porn that gets you hot. If you don't want any external stimulus, consider playing with conscious breath paired with Kegels. After a few minutes of breathing and clenching you may find your embers stoked," says Dr. Victoria Reuveni, Doctor of Human Sexuality, American College of Sexologists.

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From pampering yourself a bit to having your partner talk dirty, here are a few expert-approved ways to turn yourself o

1. Touch Yourself

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With your hands. With a vibrator. With your pillow. In whatever way feels good, says sex expert Dana Myers. Don’t rush yourself… Just breathe, relax, and touch yourself. Repeat! Say the mantra, “I welcome this sexy experience. I welcome pleasure.” Keep breathing, keep relaxing, keep touching. See what happens. Your body may surprise you and rise to the occasion. Or not, and that’s OK, too! 

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2. Watch Erotic Film

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With countless options of porn on the market, flip open your iPad and browse the gazillions of sexy videos available for your viewing pleasure, says Myers. Whether on your own, or with your partner, a little friendly porn will do wonders to take your desire from 0-60, and fast. If you happen to see something that really grosses you out? Just move on.  Don’t get hung up on visuals that turn you off — keep clicking until you find something that lights your fire and gets you in the mood.

3.  Have your partner talk dirty

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“As a porn star, it's a cliché that we are all nymphs and freaks, and I will confess to my guilt in assuming that from time to time as well. In situations where I need some loving or a quick fix to get there, I like female partners who are very verbally seductive, who also provide passionate kissing and caressing – that always works for me, every time!" says Moe “The Monster” Johnson, a male porn star.

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4. Pamper yourself a bit

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Take a hot bubble bath and allow yourself to unwind from the day, says Myers. "Many women just need those 20 minutes of “me-time” — a moment to decompress the day and reconnect with herself — in order to be able to comfortably transition into a sexier frame of mind!" Myers says.

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Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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Images: Joe St.Pierre/Flickr; Giphy


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