The Afterglow Vibrator Will Give You Orgasms Through The Power Of Lasers, Because The Future Is Now

If the little blue pill can increase a man’s sexual response, thus, saving him from the self-induced embarrassment of ED, lasers have been proven to do the same exact thing for women. That’s right. Lasers. People use lasers on their bodies all the time. They use it to get rid of unwanted fat, unwanted hair, cataracts, not to mention, the ugly tattoo of their exes that they happened to get on that one night of drunken debauchery. But one Florida doctor discovered that, similar to Viagra, near-infrared light waves can greatly improve a woman’s sexual response.

Urogynecologist, Dr. Ralph Zipper, was treating patients suffering from pelvic pain using low-level laser therapy when during treatments, a number of patients reported to experiencing an added benefit. The light-pulse energy treatments noticeably increased their sexual response and sensitivity. In other words, people were experiencing everything from arousal to better orgasms to actually experiencing an orgasm for the very first time. Because America is the land of big dreams and opportunities, Zipper found an opportunity to seriously cash in on his findings. Why not put a $30,000 laser into a vibrator? Thus, the world’s first ever laser-based sex toy, the Afterglow, was born.

“Technology is helping to bring about a ‘sensual revolution’ 50 years after the ‘sexual revolution,’” Zipper said. “The combination of near-infrared light energy and vibration employed by the Afterglow pleasure device can light up a woman’s sex life by triggering the same chemicals that power male potency, creating a Viagra-like effect in women.”

Think of it like tiny little Jedis going to town on your vagina with their lightsabers.

Giphy

Zipper said:

“Lasers are used for everything from correcting vision to scanning barcodes at the market. My research lead to a discovery on how near-infrared light waves can increase a woman’s sexual response and ultimately to the development of Afterglow. And responses from the users have shown the technology to be effective.”

The Afterglow comes with a booklet called the Tantric Massager that will give you tips on how to use the vibrator to achieve “Kundalini,” or some sort of full-body orgasmic nirvana, using a special PulseWave O setting that lasts for eight minutes.

But as one reviewer pointed out, reaching Kundalini might not be so easily achieved in those set eight minutes. “When you turn it on, the whole thing starts flashing wildly with blue and red lights – sort of like hosting an EDM show inside your vagina … As far as I’m concerned, the Afterglow gave me some standard, good vibrations – but if anyone reading this gets to Kundalini, send me a postcard.”

Giphy

Another sex blogger tried it out and while she liked its multiple settings and gorgeous packaging, she wasn’t really feeling its “buzzy vibrations” and that fact that it didn’t exactly fit her anatomy the way she wished.

Earlier this year, the Afterglow was even included in the Oscar’s swag bags. So, if you want the experience of a sci-fi movie playing in your vagina, the Afterglow vibrator itself will set you back at around $200. They even have an Afterdark pleasure lubricant designed to enhance the Afterglow experience that costs another $16 extra.

Images: Afterglow; Giphy(2)