Your Night At The 2013 Country Music Awards Would Have Been Bizarre & Amazing
Was your significant other making you want to "roll your windows down and cruise" yesterday? Or maybe you were down in the relationship dumps and you felt like your love life was like "driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street"?
Either way, you were probably ready for Wednesday night's 47th Annual Country Music Awards on ABC. The annual awards show, hosted by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, featured some seriously great appearances and, of course, Taylor Swift raking in more honors than she could carry with two hands. (Seriously, that girl needs to hire someone just to carry her awards for her at the end of every show. Actually, maybe two people.)
It also appears that the CMA’s really know how to put on a show, as Paisley and Underwood went through no less than ten costume changes over the course of the evening. One of which, obviously, was comprised of a replica of Robin Thicke’s VMA performance costume. (I guess the country music world isn’t ready to let go of the loss of their beloved Hannah Montana.) There was no shortage of Cyrus jabs over the course of the evening and the co-hosts even took aim at Obamacare (risky at best).
For those of you that have ever wondered what it's like to spend the night with "country's biggest stars," here's your chance.
Ugh, Why Did I Agree To This Again?
Like most of us, even though you're really excited, you probably didn't want to get out of bed to go to the Country Music Awards Wednesday night. But you did anyway.
Walking The Red Carpet
You'd finally arrive at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, TN, where you'd walk the red carpet and be overshadowed by the epic appearance of the Duck Dynasty cast.
Florida Georgia Line and Luke Bryan Open The Show
Every country music fan I know probably had a heart attack watching Florida Georgia Line (the duo responsible for "Cruise") and Luke Bryan (the man responsible for swooning girls in cowboy boots everywhere) took the stage together to perform their respective hits "Cruise" and "That's My Kind of Night". Florida Georgia Line won awards for single and vocal duo of the year later on in the night.
The 'VMA' Performance Commentary
After poking fun at current state of Obamacare, the co-hosts took aim and Cyrus and Thicke. Everything wrong with Paisley's replica of Thicke's VMA costume was made right by a version of "Blurred Lines" performed entirely on duck calls by the Duck Dynasty clan.
Safe To Break Out Your Flask
Congratulations, you and Kellie Pickler have something in common—you both love Jack Daniels. (Kellie loves him so much that she brought him as her date!) At least no one at this awards show is uptight about swigging a little BYOB.
Taylor Swift Wins Yet Another Achievement Award
Taylor Swift received the highest praise of the night when Garth Brooks presented her with the CMA Pinnacle Award. The award, which is presented to an artist that succeeds in bring country music to a worldwide audience has only been given out once before, in 2004, to Garth Brooks. In addition to Garth, members of country music's elite that included Faith Hill, Tim McGraw and Rascal Flatts came on stage to honor Swift during the award presentation and a video salute featuring Justin Timberlake, Ellen Degeneres, Mick Jagger and other celebrities was played.
Swift might just be the most popular girl at Hollywood school, a.k.a no one's actually asking, "Who's Taylor Swift anyway, ew?"
P. Diddy Makes You Wonder Why He's There (Huge Question Mark)
This is one of those "take a shot from your flask whenever something inexplicably weird happens" moments during the drinking game you're playing with your seatmate. Diddy appeared on stage with (the probably already drunk) Kellie Pickler and asked if the audience was surprised to see him... um, is that a trick question? Because, duh, of course we are.
Apparently he's been a "down-low country fan" for awhile and Wednesday night was his coming out party. How many times can we say "awkward"?
Miranda Lambert And Blake Shelton Win "His and Hers" Awards
Country music's equivalent to the royal couple. First, Miranda Lambert looks amazing and second, there's nothing cuter than a husband who supports his wife (Blake was caught on camera singing along with her performance during the telecast). Lambert and Shelton both went home with a Vocalist of the Year awards for their mantle (or for Blake to haul into his neighbor's yard next weekend because he loves doing that).
The only other person on the red carpet that you're more excited to see (and will definitely overshadow you) than the Duck Dynasty family is Tami Taylor herself, Connie Britton. Britton presented the award for Female Vocalist of the Year with her Nashville costar Chip Esten to Miranda Lambert.
So let this soak in, the world's favorite television wife, mother, and country superstar presented an award to one half of country's royal couple.
George Strait Wins Entertainer of the Year
The country legend (and self-proclaimed "king of country" according to his Twitter account) took home one of the night's highest honors. Strait, who's currently on his two-year farewell tour, might want to consider extending his career for a little while longer.