Celebrity fights are like rare orchids. They're exceedingly uncommon, hard to maintain, and people will pay crazy amounts of attention to them. Feuds between famous people are, when they're good, like a gift from the universe that we didn't deserve. Why do they choose to fight certain things out publicly? How do these things start? Such mysteries only add to the weird sense of glee we experience as a good celebrity feud gets going.
But this year, in my humble opinion, we experienced a bumper crop of truly weird and wacky celebrity smackdowns. From the mentally ill to the just pissed, celebrities threw metaphorical punches left right and center, and all of them on the main stage of social media. It was so wonderful, so let's recount all the times celebrities were mean, crazy, or a little bit of both.
Amanda Bynes Vs. Drake
I'm not sure this counts as a feud, since it was entirely one-sided, but god knows it happened, and we were all extremely into it until it turned out to be a result of Amanda's mental illness. Then we felt very, very bad for thinking the statement "murder my vagina" was hilarious.
Kelly Osbourne Vs. Lady Gaga, Part 3
Although this is a feud that has been going on (and off) for years now, it came back with a vengeance when Gaga dared bring a cake to Sharon Osbourne in honor of Kelly's birthday. How positively rude! Well, Kelly absolutely set into Gaga, but she's now apologized and theoretically we won't see this feud again for a few more years.
Sinead O'Connor Vs. Miley Cyrus
Sinead was all like "Miley, stop being a ho for the industry, you're better than that even though in saying so I'm insinuating that you're a corporate puppet" and Miley was then like, "Shut up, you're crazy. JK let's talk." And then there were some other open letters because clearly Sinead's real problem is that she's addicted to writing open letters.
Kanye West Vs. Jimmy Kimmel
#NODISRESPECTBENAFFLECK. Ugh god, this feud makes all other feuds look like pillow fights in comparison. Kimmel did a sketch teasing an absurd interview Kanye did, which resulted in a Twitter outpouring on Kanye's part, which then lead to a super interesting sit-down between Kimmel and Kanye. Oh celebrities, you are so very strange.
Lorde Vs. Selena Gomez
Lorde is our favorite feminist teen, but she called out Selena Gomez about the suggestive nature of Selena Gomez's song, "Come And Get It," which is fair because the title reads like an answer to Robin Thicke's call of "I know you want it." So, props Lorde.
Sharon Osbourne Vs. 'The View'
Sharon Osbourne has a lot of opinions in general, but she's said that the hosts of The View can go fuck themselves, for whatever reason. However, given that the hosts of The View can't really see why, this might just be a case of Sharon Osbourne being Sharon Osbourne. Who knows.
Farrah Abraham Vs. Bethenny Frankel
Oh you, Backdoor Teen Mom, things just never let up for her, huh? Farrah made an appearance on Bethenny Frankel's talk show, only to be met with an onslaught of judgment in relation to how she plucks her 4-year-old's eyebrows. However, it's the fact that after she left the show, she railed against Bethenny personally, saying that she encouraged her audience's behavior and that Bethenny apparently encouraged her audience not to buy Farrah's line of sex toys. Sounds like Farrah Abraham is looking for headlines in all the wrong places, but we'll see if Bethenny rises to her challenge.
Omarosa Manigault Vs. Bethenny Frankel
Well, spank my ass and call me Mary, but invite Omarosa, the most obnoxious reality TV show leftover potentially ever, onto the show of someone whom she has ridiculed in the past, Bethenny Frankel, and big shocker, it gets heated. Omarosa yelled, Bethenny yelled, and nothing was really resolved, because again to our massive surprise, they have very different views about business and life.
Danielle Fishel Vs. JWoww
Leave it to Topanga to give us the T. She tweeted that JWoww's boyfriend should probably do some leg workouts, which was promptly followed by a slew of ridiculous tweets revolving around chicken legs (his), chipmunk cheeks (Fishel's), and spray tans. When it comes to feuds, the cast of Jersey Shore really are a gift that just keeps giving.
Dan Harmon Vs. 'Community'/Everyone
Oh Dan Harmon, maybe someday he'll learn how to keep his mouth shut, but it'll probably only be when he dies. He said that the writers who took over Season 4 of his show Community basically wrote, "It’s 13 episodes of people doing, ’Derpy, derpy, der, I’m Dan Harmon, der.’” Which is pretty harsh, but he apologized, so it's sort of somewhat OK?
Jonas Brothers Vs. Themselves
Maybe the Jonas Brothers have had a bad split, maybe Nick is off to do his own thing, maybe this is all just a play for more headlines and coverage, it's all very unclear. But what is clear is that this sexy little bro-team of musicality and good looks is at an end.
Amanda Bynes Vs. The World
For a while, while we all shamefully ignored the blatant mental illness-fest that was Amanda Bynes' Twitter feed in favor of feeding into our celebrity feud frenzy, she threw shade at more people than is worth recounting. But we kinda don't care, because ya know, she was having an episode and we basically all suck.
Melissa Etheridge Vs. Angelina Jolie
Melissa Etheridge, despite being close friends with Brad Pitt, apparently doesn't agree with silly things like medicine or statistics when it comes to breast cancer, so she went boldly ahead and called Angelina Jolie's double mastectomy cowardly. Which was a huge dick move, likely followed by an angry call from her good pal Brad.