While I was stuck in traffic the other day, a radio disc jockey gave me a wonderful present: Christina Aguilera's song "Fighter". It'd been a long time since I'd last listened to the third single off of the vocal run empress's 2002 album, Stripped (OK, it'd been, like, a month), and it'd been an even longer time since I'd last watched the music video (somewhere around two months?). As I am wont to do whenever I hear an early '00s pop banger that hasn't graced my ears in a while, I made a point to watch the music video the moment I was no longer operating a motorized vehicle. Just as I remembered, everything about the "Fighter" vid is breathtaking. I love the costumes, the makeup, the hair, the sets, the choreography, Xtina's metamorphosis, and so on.
Er, I should say almost everything about the "Fighter" music video is breathtaking. You know what are not breathtaking? THE MOTHS. OK, as far as moths are concerned, I guess the ones in this video are sort of pretty. They aren't the worst moths ever. I'll give them that much.
...But at the end of the day, they're still bugs. Hot take: Bugs are nasty. Hard pass.
Not only am I not a fan of most winged insects (I’m not kidding when I say one of my greatest fears is that a bug will fly in my ear and out my nose. I don't know if that's even possible, but I'm too scared to look it up), but for the past month, I’ve been dodging a swarm of baseball-sized moths (I wish I was exaggerating) that posts up outside of my front door every night. Needless to say, this moth-centric video touches a nerve.
OK, I'm being a little unfair to the moths, for they aren't the only heebie-jeebie-inducing element in this clip. There are plenty of other spooky, non-mothy things going on. Here's the creepiest stuff from the "Fighter" music video:
The first moth
Ugh, don't you belong on a Silence of the Lambs VHS cover somewhere?!?!
THEY'RE GONNA REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND NAB ME BY THE THROAT!!!!!
These hands, part deux
Oh, so those freaky hands that are going to nab my throat also happen to be ENORMOUS?
This apple and this banana
The apple and the banana have hypnotized the creepy dancers. The apple and the banana have out-creepied the creepy dancers.
Whatever is happening here
This pin crawl
Don't mind Mothtina as she stumbles around with giant pins stuck in her back. YEEESH.
This moth wall
Let me get this straight: Not only is Mothtina stuck to a wall, but THE MOTHS WON'T STOP FLOCKING TO HER? She's trapped in a cage of moths. What a nightmare.
What's that? Oh, just some more moths
One wrong move, and those moths are zooming right into your earholes. I have goosebumps.
These moths and these eyes
ONE WRONG MOVE, AND THOSE MOTHS ARE ZOOMING RIGHT INTO YOUR EYEBALLS.
This moth that breaks the fourth wall
The moth has spotted me. It can sense my fear. It's going to get me.
This moth that bursts into flames
Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no no. One wrong move, and A WINGED FIREBALL MOTH WILL ZOOM RIGHT INTO YOUR EARHOLE. Keep that fire moth far, far away.
This wall smash
Ugh, bug guts. Yuck.
This kick that literally breaks the fourth wall
Moththina has spotted me. She can sense my fear. She's going to get me. Helllllllp.
Images: CAguileraVEVO/YouTube (15); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (14)