The Internet lost its collective marbles when pictures of a very scantily clad and buff Matthew Lewis, aka Neville Longbottom of the Harry Potter film franchise, surfaced online on Thursday. While many folks were jumping for joy over this racy new photo shoot, others who knew Neville as a kid — namely, J.K. Rowling — were all, "Put your school robes back on, Longbottom! Heavens!" This got me thinking: What would Neville Longbottom think of Matthew Lewis' Attitude magazine photo shoot? Would he just start babbling incoherently about herbology? Would he faint?
I'm convinced that there would be a few stages through which the renowned Gryffindor would cycle when he saw pictures of himself looking inordinately chiseled. My best guess would be that he just plain wouldn't recognize himself at first. Then, his brain would temporarily lose the ability to process reality. Afterwards, he'd become confident enough to be excited about it, and potentially do a bit of a victory dance. But ultimately, because Longbottom is a gentle soul, he wouldn't let it go to his head. However, he wouldn't miss the opportunity to nudge Luna, and be like, "Check me out!!"
Without further ado, here's exactly how I imagine Longbottom would react to the sexy, sexy pics of sexy human Matthew Lewis. 10 points for Gryffindor!
First, he totally wouldn't recognize himself
Is that muggle musician Adam Levine? Or is it... It can't possibly be...
Then, he'd get that it's him
Once he recognized himself, he'd become instantly fearful that these pictures would interfere with his chances of getting into a good college. What will the admissions departments think?!?! He has ambitions of being a herbology professor one day!
Then, he'd realize that it's not such a bad thing
Ultimately, he'd understand that nobody's gonna judge him. Also, he doesn't have parents to hide this photo shoot from, so there's no anxiety there. Not to mention, he can use all the money from his modeling side-jobs to get himself through herbology school!
Next, the satisfaction would wash over him
All the Slytherins who bullied him as a first year can eat their hearts out.
Finally, he'd show off a little
How could Luna resist this perfect mouthwatering pumpkin pasty of masculinity? She couldn't, and they'd live happily ever after.
Image: Giphy (5)