Insane Things People Thought About Sex As Kids

Every kid had a weird thing idea concocted about sex before anyone took the time to let them know what sex actually entailed. Because while we'd like to keep children innocent for as long as possible, it's reality that they'll bear witness to some kind of sexual interaction before they're old enough for "the talk". I don't mean that in a creepy way: A 3-year-old year old might suddenly be met with a pregnant mother. Children see adults holding hands and kissing all the time. BuzzFeed delved into this by asking a bunch of people the insane things they thought about sex as kids, and some of the stories are hilarious (and very familiar!).

The video is a testament to how kids make stuff up to explain these things away. Eventually some jerk in the school yard mouths off about nudity, and suddenly imaginations really start running wild. When I was a kid, after hearing the word "rape" (I'm guessing probably via the television or radio news), I deduced that the act of rape was when a man violently "raked" a woman along her body with a garden rake, thereby leaving scratches all down her. Obviously I was wrong, but hey, you live and you learn (however unfortunate the truth turns out to be). Meanwhile, here are some of the funniest childhood sex misconceptions courtesy of BuzzFeed:

1. That "sex" was people kissing each other's butts

2. That "penis growing" meant growing multiple penises

3. That couples got pregnant by having a special meal together

4. That to get pregnant, a woman would write a letter of intent, burn it, and then the spirit of multiple babies would come and sniff her butt, the one who liked the smell the worst being the one that would become her baby (very elaborate!)

5. That "spooning" meant putting a spoon up your partner's butt.

Yep, there's a lot of weird butt stuff going on in children's imaginations. Watch the video below for many more hilarious childhood recollections (several more also including butts):

Images: Getty Images; YouTube (6)