6 Things Your Significant Other Should Do For You In Bed Without You Asking, Because What Happens Before And After Sex Is Important, Too
While no one should be doing anything — bedroom or out — without your permission, there's some magic lost when your partner does absolutely nothing without you telling them to do so. Actually, that kills the mood entirely. Who wants to have have tutorial sex? It's important to have someone in tune with our needs and our desires in order to have a healthy sex life. From the inside, out.
So, what should your partner just know to do?
"Suck your toes! No just kidding, you actually really should ask about that first, it's quite an acquired taste, literally. Communication is very important during any type of sex because despite the dynamics of your relationship, it is intimate to our bodies and can cause mental, emotional, or physical damage quite quickly. Therefore, I would always recommend having a conversation prior to trying something new because just the slightest reaction can implant a perception that can be problematic for both," says Dr. Yvonka, Clinical Sexologist behind JasminTV's #sexishealthy campaign.
From setting the mood to taking care of your needs before and after the act, there's a lot any partner of ours should be on top of. (Pun totally intended.)
1. Set the mood
Your partner should be making an effort to romance you, long before the act of sex begins, says Dr. Emily Morse, a sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast, and cofounder of Emily & Tony. "This isn’t something they’ll inherently know, so you might have to guide them the first couple times. Encourage them to turn up the romance because that’s what really turns you on, e.g., “It gets me so hot when you start by rubbing my back and shoulders, and then undress me slowly.” Once they figure out that this behavior leads to sex, they will most definitely add it to their repertoire," says Dr. Morse.
2. Care about your orgasm
The fact of the matter is, there's an orgasm gap among heterosexual couples. "The majority of men reach orgasm from sex 85% of the time — not a sure thing, but still pretty likely. Ladies, on the other hand, only reach orgasm somewhere around 62% of the time. Factor in the significant differences in the time that it takes each gender to get there (7-9 minutes for men versus 20 - 40 minutes for women), and you have got a significant gap in male and female arousal," says Morse. So how do you bridge it?
"I firmly believe that every woman is responsible for her own orgasm, but your partner should absolutely be doing his part to help get you there, and foreplay is one of the best ways to do this. Before his penis even comes into play, he should be using his mouth, hands, and any other tools at his disposal to bring you close, if not all the way, to orgasm," says Morse.
Once the sex starts, there are other things a male partner can be doing to extend the session long enough for you to climax. They can use slower, deeper movements that will stimulate you without getting him too excited, employ the stop-and-start method, or he can use a topical delay spray like Promescent, which enables him to control his ejaculation and last up to twice as long, says Morse.
This is a given, but there are some people that will ask permission and although this is great, but in today's age, many people may feel awkward. "I do blame Hollywood for the image of "just grab me and take me, I'm yours" image... but it stuck and seems to be the going theme," says Dr. Yvonka. But if you aren't sure, always ask! Pay attention to the body language and non-verbal cues!
4. Sensual massages
These are usually a generally acceptable common guilty pleasure for most in the bedroom, says Dr. Yvonka. However, some people with a past of sexual trauma or sexual abuse aren't always comfortable with this, so pay attention and in that case, ask!
5. Oral sex
"Oral sex is essentially a "given" when it comes to foreplay and those who don't like it are not shy to let you know ahead of time. I think it's something that should just be incorporated naturally," says Dr. Yvonka.
6. Taking care of your needs after sex
"As any woman can attest to, those moments right after sex can be pretty uncomfortable. There are certain things every lady needs following intercourse: She needs to clean up, she needs to use to the restroom, and she probably needs water," says Dr. Morse.
Will your partner pass out, or will he/she fetch you clothes, water and a towel? These small gestures save you the struggling of fumbling around for clothes in the dark, then making the mad dash from his/her room to the bathroom and kitchen, thus running the risk of getting lost or awkwardly running into roommates.
"I always say that foreplay starts after the last orgasm, and this rule should include after-care." says Morse.
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