Don't Hate These 8 Republicans Because They're Beautiful, Hate Them Because Their Policies Are Horrible

When I can suspend my intelligence and broader ethics for a moment, it becomes possible to see that some Republicans are totally babe-alicious. Don't get me wrong, they are abominable human beings who should leave politics immediately, but to be honest, I think some of them are cute. I've caught a lot of flack for fessing up to this in the past, but I am going to come right out and say that some of these awful conservative politicians are quite the hotties.

I mean, if conservatives can't provide me with half decent policies, they can at least serve as a little eye candy (that is, if my eyes aren't too sore from constantly rolling as I hear their God-awful ideas about gay marriage, women's rights, education, and the size of government). Thinking of these politicos as good-looking is one of those things that feels so wrong, I can't keep it to myself. I don't always feel good about feeling this way, but it's time for me to vent these unwelcome yet utterly undeniable feelings of attraction.

So let's indulge together in some incredibly guilty pleasure by ogling some conservatives, while also laying down the law about their horrendous political platforms.

(Young) Senator John McCain

Who would guess that this strapping young(er) man (shown in the center) would become former Senator John McCain?

Why he's the worst: "I am pro-life and an advocate for the Rights of Man everywhere in the world, because to be denied liberty is an offense to nature and nature’s Creator." McCain may have had world class sideburns back in the day, but his hypocrisy can be astounding. The quote above was from a speech he gave in 2008. Don't tell McCain, but banning abortions is a pretty big denial of liberty.

Senator Rand Paul

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Looking fly, Senator! Maybe I'm just a sucker for curly hair, but in some photos, Senator Paul (and this pains me to say, truly) just looks good.

Why he's the worst: Clearly there's no love lost for women under that pretty coif. In 2014, Paul voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act (I mean, come on), which asked for equal pay for equal work across sexes. Thanks for nothing, jerk.

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice

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Condoleezza Rice's impressive musical talent and educational credentials are pretty well known. And I must say she looks stunning in that gown, masterfully playing her instrument of choice.

Why she's the worst: On the whole, Condi's opinions were somewhat milder (read: not as terrible) than her boss' at the time (former President George W. Bush). But there were several instances where she defended the use of torture techniques, claiming that the absence of attacks on U.S. soil post-9/11 was due to the use of these techniques. Tsk tsk, Ms. Rice.

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry

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I'm willing to concede that it might just be the great choice of spectacles, but I think Rick Perry looks pretty dashing in this photo.

Why he's the worst: Let me count the ways... In 2011, Perry signed a bill that not only required Texas women to have a sonogram at least 24 hours before having an abortion, but also required doctors to describe the fetus to the woman while the sonogram was happening. Not at all okay.

(Young) President Ronald Reagan

Former president Ronald Reagan was a handsome guy in his later years. Look at that smile! So cute.

Why he's the worst: While thousands of American citizens died of AIDS in the 1980's, Reagan stayed completely silent on the issue until the end of his second term in 1987. Some also argue that his inaction during the beginning of the AIDS epidemic allowed for homophobic rhetoric to run rampant while gay men were dying of this disease. So basically he was kind of a jerk.

Dr. Ben Carson

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The doctor is in! Republican presidential hopeful Dr. Ben Carson is looking mighty fine with his salt-and-pepper hair and winning grin.

Why he's the worst: To say that Dr. Carson does not support gay marriage would be a major understatement. In his book, America The Beautiful, Carson wrote that redefining marriage to mean "anything that we wish," the U.S. could wind up like the Roman Empire. If that sounds homophobic and doesn't make any sense to you, you're not alone.

Representative Jeff Flake

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Arizona Senator Jeff Flake has a nice smile and on-point hair part going for him. I wonder what he's thinking about in that photo...

Why he's the worst: In 2000, Flake adopted a statement from the Republican Caucus that called for the abolition of the Department of Education. Like, the whole federal department. He also voted against funding to repair public schools and make them greener and more energy efficient.

Former Representative Aaron Schock

Or should we say, "Schock and awwwww yeah!" Last but certainly not least, we have former Illinois House Representative Aaron Schock. If he's looking for work now he's been forced to resign from the House, I have some laundry he can wash on those abs.

Why he's the worst: Very hot, but a complete ass, Schock voted against enforcing anti-gay hate crimes. Honestly, what the heck? In addition, he voted "yes" on at least six bills that restricted women's access to abortion. In light of that I have two words for former Rep. Schock: "Hell no."

Images: Wikimedia Commons (2); Getty Images (5); Phil Rogers/Twitter, Library of Congress