Like many New Yorkers, my knowledge of investment banking is pretty much limited to the films Trading Places, American Psycho, The Wolf Of Wall Street — and tangling with a few sloshed ibankers at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night. According to the 10 Power Commandments of banking ripped from an email to interns at a top NYC banking firm, those movies are pretty spot on — except that maybe now the illegal substances have been supplanted with 5-Hour Energy to keep things on the up and up. Oh, and women are part of the team now too, so that's a plus.
The Wall Street Journal cites Barclay's second-year analyst Justin Kwan as author of this (unintentionally) hilarious message, which includes stern directives to his incoming interns on how to behave during their auspicious (and backbreaking) new endeavor. The rules cover dress codes, sleeping arrangements, food ordering rules, and to whom they should direct any questions. Interestingly, the 10 bullet points don't really delve into the actual work they will be doing, but I guess half the battle of being an intern is showing up and fitting in. Here are five of the funniest parts of the so-called "10 Power Commandments" of banking (that, for the record, Barclay's has not officially sanctioned. They responded to the email with the following statement: Barclays is fully committed to creating an environment where both our bankers and our business can thrive. We have implemented policies and training guidelines to enable employees to gain valuable experience while at the same time maintaining a healthy work-life balance.)
1. Don't wear socks, guys
This "suggestion" tops Kwan's list, because you know when it's super hot, all you want to do is stuff your feet — sockless — into a nice pair of leather wingtips. And since you're also not supposed to ever LEAVE the office, you're probably going to be sleeping in those bad boys too. I don't want to even imagine the odors emanating from beneath those desks...
2. Bring a pillow/yoga mat to the office
I know long hours are assumed in the banking world because "money never sleeps" and all that, but actually suggesting these kids bring pillows and mattresses to the office is crazy. But hey, at least they'll be comfy.
3. Have an extra tie or scarf around so your boss can use it as a napkin
Is this guy for real? Was this stolen from some 50 Shades-style submissive contract or something? A "power habit" actually includes having extra accessories on hand so your bosses can use them to wipe half-eaten burger and salad dressing off their faces?
4. Never take your jacket off
As with the shoes, it seems incredibly uncomfortable to be sweating into your poly blend suit coat for 10 hours (or more) at a time. Let's just hope the AC is cranking.
5. Leave a sign out sheet at your desk with your whereabouts at all times
The beginning of your Wall Street career is a lot like prison, which is kinda funny, because if you do REALLY well, you might end up in prison! Ah, the circle of life in the financial sector. It's a beautiful thing, really. (But, again, these "rules" aren't officially sanctioned by Barclays, so only the interns and their bosses really know what goes on behind closed doors.)
Images: Giphy (5)
