Mercury Retrograde Won't Ruin Your Life If You Avoid These 7 Things At All Costs

If Mondays without coffee and Nickelback had a baby, it would be Mercury retrograde. Translation? This time of year, when Mercury appears to be moving backwards, is the worst. The planet Mercury rules thinking, travel and communication, so when it goes into retrograde three to four times a year, some people find that life seems to go, well, a little crazy. OK, super crazy. If you have a tendency to have times during the year when your car won't start, you break anything that's glass within a 50-foot radius, and everything you say comes out wrong — keep reading.

I sat down with Jessica Brown, an astrologer based in Birmingham and owner of Astrology by Jessica, to get the scoop on Mercury retrograde — and what the eff we should avoid doing during this tricky astrological time. Her advice? "Mercury retrograde is a time to review and plan, but never act on it because you'll likely find that you didn't plan thoroughly enough or have all of your facts straight."

Sounds promising, right?

Don’t worry. You don’t have to hide under a rock just because the planets can't get their shit together — just try to avoid these seven things until Mercury goes direct on June 11th.

1. Don't break up with your significant other

Mercury rules communication, and when it goes retrograde, your words can come out the wrong way. Try to wait until retrograde is over to have the "where is this going?" talk. However, if your significant other is abusive, disrespectful, or just a terrible person, then by all means, cut your ties ASAP.

2. Don't get married

Getting married during Mercury retrograde is like inviting your ex to the wedding — it's an invitation for trouble to GO DOWN. If you've been planning your wedding for the last year, obviously you're not going to call it off, but Jessica advises you to plan for delays and every potential mishap. That means packing stain wipes and plenty of bobby pins.

3. Don't make any major purchases

Fact: everything I've ever bought during Mercury retrograde either broke, or went on major clearance the next week. Learn from my mistakes, kids. You don't need those leather boots in June, anyway.

4. Don't enter into any contracts

If you're going to enter into a contract, make sure it's in writing and you have a hard copy for your records. Also, triple-check all of the terms and conditions, and ask questions if you don't understand something.

5. Don't travel

Obviously you have to commute to work, but avoid planning or taking big trips during this time. Mercury retrograde is a magnet for delayed planes, sketchy hotel rooms, and flaky travel buddies. Also, this is not the time to test how many miles your car can cruise on empty.

6. Don't get a makeover

You asked for a trim, and your hairdresser made you look like Kate Gosselin circa 2008. Woof. Blame Mercury retrograde. At this point, it's just science.

7. Don't stress out too much

Mercury retrograde sucks and can sometimes feel like it's never-ending. But keep calm, it'll be over on June 11th and you can take your life back.

Images: Giphy