When you were a little girl, your dad probably made you promise not to date until you were some ridiculous age (mine said 30). It seemed like a completely reasonable promise at the time, because boys had cooties anyway — especially that one kid that loved to dig up worms at recess. Total cootie monster. Why would you ever want to go on a date with a boy anyway? Ew, gross. But cut to adolescence, and you were ready to break that promise a few years early (like, 15). The price for going back on it? Bringing a guy over and introducing your parents to your first date aka letting your dad put the fear of God into the guy trying to take you out — using whatever cruel and unusual methods he fancied.
Of course, your old man means well. He just wants to make sure that his daughter is being treated right, after all. But to the guys who aren't used to your dad's um, unique sense of humor, this experience can be downright terrifying. We're talking, threatened with weapons and potential castration kind of scary.
Think your dad's scare tactics still reign supreme? These 10 stories just might make your dad's meet and greet methods seem welcoming.
1. Liz, 28
"My dad held a gun in the air and said to my date, 'Are you going to marry her or just bang her all the time?'"
2. Andrea, 25
"My dad once made me introduce our weird, scary looking neighbor (we call him 'the snake breeder') as my dad. At the end of it, my dad finally owned up and said, 'Actually, I'm her dad!'"
3. Lindsay, 26
"When my boyfriend and I went to visit my family, he and my dad split a bottle of tequila and a watermelon while my mom and I had a 'girl's night' out. When we came home, they were both drunk, the bottle of tequila was gone and my boyfriend was very scared."
4. Zoe, 25
"My dad is a cop and he answered the door in a towel, then loaded his gun on the table with the barrel facing the guy who came to take me out on my first date."
5. Kayla, 23
"My date showed up wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and my dad told him, 'You better be the pizza boy, because there's no way in hell you're taking my daughter out while you're looking like that."
6. Sabrina, 27
"One time my dad offered my date a drink before he took me out. Unbeknownst to me, he snuck in some kind of weird hot sauce into my date's drink. Turns out this guy was super sensitive to spicy stuff, because his eyes started tearing up and he couldn't stop coughing. We never even made it out that night, he was too sick!"
7. Tara, 24
"My dad looked my date dead in the eye and told him, 'If you don't keep it in your pants I'll rip your balls off.'' My date didn't even kiss me goodnight he was so scared."
8. Lisa, 35
"It was a few days before my sister's wedding, so my dad had shaved the massive beard that he usually had for the occasion. When my date showed up and made a comment about it, my dad told him 'I only shave it when I kill someone...'"
9. Sally, 22
"We had recently moved to a beach town, and my dad complained about the way the 'surfer dudes' dressed here all the time. One of them came to pick me up for a date wearing ripped jeans. My dad told my date to wait a minute, came back with duct tape and proceeded to tape up my date's jeans."
10. Chloe, 29
"My dad is an army vet and a pretty tough looking guy (6'5, tattoos, shaved head). His go-to line when meeting the guys I date is, 'I thought I was done killing people, but if you mess with my daughter I'll have to come out of retirement.'"
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