A recent news story gives a completely new meaning to the term "weapon of choice." According to CBS Pittsburgh, a man allegedly robbed a bank with a sex toy and phone wrapped in duct tape, further proof that your vibrator is the most diverse thing you own. After Aaron Stein was arrested he revealed that the "bomb" he had threatened staff with actually wasn't a bomb at all, although it apparently looked convincing enough to fool bank employees. Crafton Police Chief Mark Sumpter told CBS Pittsburgh: "He had a mask on, said he had a bomb, displayed some wires hanging out from underneath his shirt."
Because of the level of the perceived threats "roads were shut down and the bomb squad deployed when police pulled him over as a precaution." I get that it's better to be safe than sorry, especially with something as potentially violent as a bomb, but I'm also a little confused — if you were going to cover it in duct tape, why did it have to be a sex toy? Brand loyalty? I was also surprised to learn that while this may be one of the most severe crimes to involve a sex toy, it is by no means the only one.
Here are some of the funniest sex-toy related crimes that I found, because apparently it's a thin line between pleasure and pain, and sex toys cover both:
1. The Sex Toy Used For Protection
Sex toys don't always have to be a center of a crime, apparently they are a form of self defense. Carolee Bildstein allegedly used a "clear, rigid feminine pleasure device" to beat a cop who was trying to arrest her, according to Gawker. Terrifying. Terrifying and painful.
2. The Sex Toy Kept in the Family
Cara Claffy landed in hot water after allegedly hitting her mother in the head with a "battery-operated vibrator" so hard her mother was bleeding from the head, according to KOAT in Albuquerque. Jesus. Respect the spirit of the toy – be a lover, not a fighter.
3. The Sex Toy Camouflaged as a Baby
They sell everything in Spencer Gifts, including sex toys. But Misty Ann Lee wasn't interested in buying a vibrator, instead she allegedly stashed it in her stroller tucked behind her child in an attempt to steal it, CriminalElement.com reported. She was thwarted, but that didn't stop her from trying to reenter the store. The employees made sure she wasn't so lucky.
4. The Sex Toy "Bradley Cooper" Couldn't Resist
Not that Bradley Cooper, but the name confusion made the story go viral. A 19-year-old in England who shared the famous actor's name allegedly tried to steal a "vibrating sex toy" from his local Tesco supermarket, according to The Mirror. Who knew you could buy sex toys at Tesco? I guess sometimes you want your produce and vibrators in the same place. Silly Bradley Cooper.
Images: Giphy
