11 Father's Day Limericks That Aren't About "The Man From Nantucket"

I

We don't make you breakfast in bed

Our greeting cards hardly get read

No flowers or pies

You're drowning in ties

You'll hit the golf course alone instead

II

On Sunday you break out the grill

Our family's of a thrill

The burgers get burnt

So hungry, we turned

To the steakhouse, where you foot the bill

III

One day when mom wasn't near

You gave me my first sip of beer

It tasted like piss

"Why do people drink this?"

Funny how things change with the years

IV

To embarrass us is your life's goal

To you, puns can never get old

Our friends think you're great

Your scare away our dates

But we love your bad jokes, truth be told.

V

We had a catch when I was small

I got hit in the face, I recall

I started to cry

You wiped the tears from my eyes

And said, "There's no crying in baseball."

VI

Mine and my siblings' favorite time of the day

Was when Dad came home from being away

We'd run to the door

Socks sliding on the wood floor

Yelling "Daddy's home!", ready to play

VII

I read all the Father's Day cards

That make fun of dads and their farts

I thought it was just you

Who had dangerous toots

Of fatherhood, it must be a part

VIII

When it came to you breaking wind

Yours was the most terrible kind

You'd say "pull my finger"

Not a soul would linger

For you always ripped one and grinned.

IX

On road trips, you were put to the test

Even before the phones had GPS

You'd get us there and back

You'd need no stinkin' map

Your navigation was always the best

X

Whether climbing on top of your back

Or getting thrown through the air like flapjacks

Your body and limbs

Were our own jungle gym

There was no playground better than that

XI

You can't pick us up anymore

Or play baseball without getting sore

You're losing your hair

There's wrinkles everywhere

But we love you even more than before

Image: Manoj Vasanth / Flickr