'New Girl's "Longest Night Ever" Sends Cece & Coach On A Date, Schmidt Does Not Take It Well

Literally no one in New Girl was in an emotionally solid place for this week's offering, "Longest Night Ever." Winston was showering with his cat, Schmidt was freaked out because Coach asked Cece out and she said yes, Coach was freaked out because he hasn't had a date since his relationship ended, and Nick and Jess (mostly Nick) were freaking out... well, because everyone else was freaking out mostly. They're actually doing pretty well comparatively.

As Happy Endings proved, Damon Wayans Jr. is at his best when he's allowed to do his own riffing thing, à la a Robin Williams or a Jim Carey (although Wayans is more subtle) but all his own, y'know? Dude's good, is what I'm saying.

Still, there are other people on this show, and we realize that we have to acknowledge that. So here are some things from "Longest Night Ever" that we're still puzzling over.

  • "Last night when Ferguson and I were in the shower." Yep, Winston takes showers with his cat. We mentioned it above, but... we feel like that needs mentioning more than once. No cats we know would stand for that shit.
  • "That first class ass is sitting in coach tonight. And best believe, my seat will be in an upright and locked position." First off: No. Second: Also no.
  • "Dear lord, darling, how big are your FEET?" is one of Winston's pickup lines, because why not?
  • The little montage of Jess trying to keep Schmidt occupied was pretty great, although it got a little weird when Schmidt started trying to hump the couch.
  • "That year hurricane Schmidt did demolish a number of beach communities," Schmidt said, referring to his penis.
  • "She's on a flip phone, Jess. She's either poor or a time traveler," said Schmidt. But seriously, who owns a flip phone anymore?
  • Winston's new straight-talking bus driver ladyfriend showed up this episode, and it's kind of deeply weird — but we feel like that's the only thing Winston could cope with right now.
  • Schmidt's bit with Siri only underlines our commitment in the knowledge that Siri is bent to destroy all happiness and sanity in the world. (Please don't have us killed by your robot friends, Siri)
  • That painting was not of a boat.

Mostly what we gleaned from this episode is that Coach and Cece are actually kind of compatible for each other right now, that Winston needs weird (otherwise he wouldn't live with who he lives with), and that they really should probably get a dog cage for Schmidt at some point.

Image: Fox