"It's all well and good having the app to find the one, but what about when you start to hate that one?" Now there's an app for that too. Well, sort of. Binder is the new breakup app available in the U.K. Get it? Because you call the trash the "bin" here, so instead of Tinder it's Binder? Get it? They're telling you that you're human garbage. Apparently this one is for blokes, but they have one for ladies to join in the fun coming out soon. So how does it work? It's really easy.
All you have to do is enter their phone number and some basic info about the person you want to get rid off, "swipe right" and then they'll get a text and a Scottish voice recording letting them know they've been dumped. We wanted to know what getting dumped by an app would look like, and I volunteered to terminate my relationship with it. But it turns out you can't use it to dump imaginary boyfriends. I know, right? So I decided to use it to dump my friend. I got a bit out of hand and dumped her multiple times.
Here's what it looks like, once I got the (free) app downloaded and up and running it only took about a minute per dump:
Pick A Gender(?)
For some reason they want to know if you're dumping a man or a woman? Why does that matter?
Add Your Name, Number, And Photo:
Pretty straightforward, you enter the name and then you can pick a number out of your phone book. They asked for a photo and I didn't know if they meant of me or the person. I assumed me, because why would they need a photo of themselves when getting dumped? Then I realized this was wrong, because I ended up with a photo of me next above Suz's name...
Swipe Swipe
To get the true Tinder experience you have to swipe right, in my case on a picture of my own face next to Suz's name. Whoops! I guess I know how it feels to be dumped.
But WHY?
After you bin them they give you an opportunity to say why. I obviously picked "It's like I'm living in some sort of unwakeable nightmare" because... well I couldn't have said it better myself. You then can share on Facebook or Twitter... which I didn't. But you also get the option to bin again, which I did! And I got different options for why this time:
So what did Suz get? Well, she got one break up message for each binning:
The Text:
Self-Loathing:
I wanted to see if there were any more options, but I thought Suz could use a break, so I dumped myself (it's about damn time...).
Another creative dumping message. I also got a phone call, which I didn't realize I would, with a very Scottish man telling me that I had been dumped and it was time to get on the horse and meet someone new.
OK, so it's obviously a joke. No one would actually use this dump anyone, but it is a pretty funny, dark take in our reliance on apps for something as sensitive and personal as love and sex. As the website says, "Some people think love is the key to happiness. Those people are wrong."
Plus it's a great way to harass your flatmate, who in my experience may send you a bunch of messages saying things like "What the f*ck is this app? Please stop." Oh, how we laughed...
Happy dumping!
Images: Lea Rose Emery
