This Caviar Covered Twinkie Is Fancier Than You

When I imagine my life as the unanimously appointed, highly revered queen of a small, matriarchal, colony of nudists (and I do often imagine that), I picture it as equal parts relatable to the common person — you know, the every day, down-to-earth, works hard for a living matriarchal nudist — and rife with excess and splendor. That duality seems to be exactly the philosophy behind the best thing to come out of Orange County since Chris Pratt (I know you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you didn't watch The OC): The caviar-covered Twinkie. You heard me, and yes, it's exactly what it sounds like.

This delightful, salty, sweet treat comes courtesy of Chicken Charlie's, a haven of fried everything (lobster tails, Oreos, Pop-Tarts, balls of Kool Aid) at the Orange County fair. But as incredible as it sounds, taste-wise, story-wise, and Instagram-wise, you can't get a caviar Twinkie on the cheap. In order to introduce your taste buds to the whirlwind of mouth-joy that is a Twinkie covered in fish eggs, you're going to need to shell out a clean $125. Or, if you just want a bite, you can find four friends and split the cost five ways, meaning you'll only have to pay $25. That's only like a 5,000 percent markup from the price of a normal Twinkie, which usually retails for $3.99 for a box of 10. And that, my friends, is more math than I have done since high school.

The caviar Twinkie got me thinking — as a caviar Twinkie is wont to do — about what other Hostess treats might benefit from a fancy makeover. Here's my list of dream Hostess/fancy food mashups, because there's nothing quite like a mix of highbrow and lowbrow to bring out your culinary creativity:

1. Truffle Donette

Truffle season is always hotly anticipated in the food world, and chefs are willing to put it on literally anything if it means they can jack up the price (oh, you want shaved truffle on your otherwise normal pizza? Cool, that'll be $340). Why not put it on a Donette? Why not live large?

2. Foie Gras Honey Bun

You think I'm joking, but I'm not at all joking. Foie gras needs a carb to sit atop if it's not going to kill you with richness, so why not put it atop the mother of all carbs: a Hostess honey bun?

3. Kopi Luwak Coffee Cupcake

I feel like we can all get behind this one. Coffee, chocolate, and cream all go together anyway, so why not just infuse the cream with a little bit of the world's fanciest coffee? If you're not familiar with Kopi Luwak Coffee Beans you really need to watch more Animal Planet (which is where you will learn that the Kopi Luwak coffee beans are so expensive and coveted because they have to first be consumed and then excreted by monkeys).

4. Remy Martín Glazed Ho-Ho

I want my Ho-Ho glazed in cognac. Don't you? (Sorry. I'm so sorry for the way that sounds.)

5. Tahitian Vanilla Bean Snoball

Vanilla and coconut are like two peas in a pod, so you might as well use the world's highest quality and most expensive vanilla beans to make your Snoball even more delightful than it is naturally.

Images: Hostess/ Facebook (5)