I finally started watching Orange is the New Black, and while I'm not saying that prison looks fun, that scene where Sophia mixes Kool-Aid and Vaseline to create lip gloss sent a thrill through my DIY-loving soul. (Or how about when Piper chews up raw jalapeños to make a pain-relieving lotion?) You don't have to be incarcerated to appreciate these incredibly simple (and mildly sketchy) makeup hacks. As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough make their own hair gel.
1. Charcoal and coconut oil gel eyeliner
Think you can beg a single piece charcoal from the prison kitchen? Trade a Diet Pepsi for a tablespoon of coconut oil? Mix equal parts crushed charcoal and oil for a slick gel eyeliner and apply with a Q-Tip.
2. Baby powder falsies
It's finally visitation day, and you want to look good for your poor, lonely lover. After applying a coat of mascara, dust baby powder across the tips of your eyelashes. When you apply the second coat of mascara, it'll stick to the powder, thickening and lengthening your lashes into incarcerated beauty queen heaven.
3. Cornstarch for matte lips and nails
Just because you're in prison doesn't mean you can't hop on the matte trend.
4. Kool-Aid or beet powder blush
Apply either powder to the tops of your cheeks and blend, blend, blend. You can use anything red or pink, really — even a drop of food coloring mixed into some baby powder or olive oil will do. And if Red ever gets a shipment of fresh fruit, you can rub a berry directly onto your lips and cheeks.
5. Coffee ground anti-cellulite scrub
Rich ladies in the suburbs are paying good money for cellulite wraps made from coffee grounds, but you can get the exact same effect for free in the grimy prison showers. Ironic, huh? Just mix the grounds with enough water to create a paste and massage into your thighs using circular motions. The caffeine in coffee temporarily tightens and tones your skin.
6. Chamomile tea hair dye
Keep your spirits up and your locks blonde by brewing a cup of chamomile tea and massaging into damp hair. Leave in as long as you can (while waiting in line for the shower, perhaps?) and then rinse out. Chamomile tea softens, lightens, and adds shine to hair.
7. Gelatin hair gel
If you're nothing without your well-defined curls, see if you can get a packet of plain gelatin smuggled in. Melt the gelatin in a cup of water until dissolved. Remove from heat. Stir in a squeeze of lemon juice or a drop of vanilla extract, if you can find any. Allow to cool, and use just like regular hair gel.
8. Cocoa powder bronzer
Or eyeliner, or temporary hair tint. You just contoured with chocolate. Wait till you tell your non-drug-smuggler friends!
9. Raw potato finishing powder
Take a slice of raw potato. Press it over your T-zone and anywhere else that's a little shiny. It'll give you a matte finish, and may possibly be the weirdest thing you do all day. And when you're locked up in Litchfield, N.Y., that's saying something.