The New Bubble Wrap Won't Pop, Apocalypse May Be Nigh
Bubble wrap is good for two, and only two things: protecting fragile items, and being pleasant to pop. So, everyone is understandably losing their minds over the fact that a new bubble wrap won't pop. That makes bubble wrap exactly 50 percent as useful as it used to be. I can do math.
The makers of bubble wrap, Sealed Air, released the new product after 55 years of selling the old stuff. That's right: bubble wrap as we know it has been around since 1960. Again, guys, I can do math. So if there are no bubbles, what is the new bubble wrap going to look like? Apparently, the new wrap will be sold in flat sheets, which will then be inflated by companies themselves looking to ship products. Rather than bubbles, it will have columns of air to keep it puffy. Instead of popping like a bubble would when you push down on it, the air column will just decompress, shifting the air to an adjacent column.
It's not all bad news, though: according to the Wall Street Journal, the new bubble wrap is so much more transportable that a single truck will be able to cary 47 times more of the new bubble wrap than the old one. This, again, is because of its flat, deflated structure. Fewer trucks required for transportation is a good thing for the environment, so it's a little bit hard to totally hate on the new wrap.
If you found this news deeply upsetting, don't worry: Sealed Air said it will still be producing its traditional, bubble-filled bubble wrap. But if we all switch over to the new, high-tech wrap, it seems like we're still going to have a lot of the old stuff lying around. What should you do with it?
1. Wrap Yourself In It and Do Something Dangerous
Sorry, I'm still 12 and this still sounds fun to me. Wrap yourself in bubble wrap several times to make sure you're fully padded, and then tell your friends to hit you or roll down a hill. Marvel at how safe you are in your protective shell.
2. Turn it Into A Chic Dress
Fashion designers have been using bubble wrap in avant garde designs for years. You can have your own little Project Runway and turn your bubble wrap into a wearable masterpiece.
Nothing calms you down like a mindless, repetitive task. Sit down with a sheet of bubble wrap and go to town, letting your anxiety melt away with each satisfying pop.
4. Let Your Pet Play With It
That could be cool. Is that dangerous? I'm not an animal person, I don't know.
5. Make Music
Grab a friend who can snap a rubber band rhythmically and another one who can shake a jar of paper clips like it's nobody's business and start your own, office supply-themed band.
Images: Giphy (5)