11 Blockbuster Video Movie Covers You Always Saw But Never Rented, From 'Blue Lagoon' To 'Duplicity'
Take a walk back into the not so distant past with me. Think about the last few times you rented a movie at the video store. I know, it was such a long time ago, but can you remember your thought process in determining the film you wanted to see? Were you looking for a specific title or did you just roam the aisles, hoping something would catch your eye? Well, the latter was my thought process whenever I rented a movie from Blockbuster or a similar video rental store. Unlike books, I think you absolutely can judge a movie by its DVD or VHS (God forbid!) cover. For example, I would have never watched The Usual Suspects if it wasn't for its cover with the main characters in a lineup. And I never rented The Blue Lagoon, which celebrates its 35th anniversary this year, because of it's incest-y cover. Similarly, I never rented Hellraiser thanks to how creepy the cover art was. In fact, there are several films I always saw at the video store and never rented for various reason. But even today, many moons later, they are engrained in my consciousness.
Many of these films that I brushed past at the video store might have been excellent films, but if you were anything like me, the films' covers tended to be the number one way I judged if a movie would be worthy of watching. In fact, I still do it now with movie posters, and certainly movie trailers. These are just a few of the DVD and VHS covers that never quite intrigued me enough to rent the films they advertised.
Despite both Julia Roberts and Clive Owen looking incredibly good looking in this movie cover, I was just so... bored by it. The cover told me nothing about the film aside from it being "cool" and "sexy" which I could basically see from the giant faces of Owen and Roberts. But shouldn't there be more here to draw me in? I didn't end up seeing this movie until years later on television.
2. The Blue Lagoon
I get it, they're in love and they're in the jungle. Not interested. Also, aren't they cousins?
I hate needles, and I hate this scary looking dude. I know that this film is a cult classic, but to this day, I cannot watch it. And I love scary movies.
4. One Missed Call
I never knew what was going on here and how this image made sense with the title of the film — aside from the phone this woman (?) seems to be holding — so I was never interested in seeing it. I always assumed the original was a thousand times better.
5. Chapter 27
I understand that Jared Leto went through an incredible transformation to play the role of Mark David Chapman, the man who killed John Lennon. But does his gigantic face have to be front and center on the poster and DVD cover? No, the answer is absolutely no.
What is this movie? There are a thousand people in the cast and even then I'm not interested. Is that a woman sitting in the road in front of a car? Is this movie supposed to be about Native Americans, as the title may suggest? I just didn't get it and therefore wanted nothing to do with it.
I think one Michael Keaton was more than enough for me. That was before Birdman of course.
8. Santa's Slay
Santa Claus (or someone/something dressing up like Santa Claus) as a killer is not my idea of a jolly good time at the movies.
This Peter O'Toole film deserved so much better. I didn't see the film until years after its DVD release because this poster was so jarring and didn't tell me anything about the film. Also O'Toole's eyes creeped me out, I felt like I was being followed around the video store. It might be even creeper than Santa's Slay.
10. The Tooth Fairy
Why Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? Just... Why? Eventually I saw this movie because I love The Rock, and even then I repeat the above sentiments.
11. The Hottie & The Nottie
Paris Hilton in an ugly duckling film. Enough said.
Images: Universal Pictures, Columbia Pictures (2), New World Pictures, Warner Bros. Pictures (2), Peace Arch Entertainment, Media 8 Entertainment, Miramax, 20th Century Fox, Summit Entertainment