Things You Can Be Selfish About In A Relationship

Being selfish in a relationship isn't always bad. Of course, relationships are made up of compromises and mutual respect, but sometimes it's okay to be a bit selfish. In fact, some studies have found that being selfish can be beneficial to your relationship. Sometimes "good deeds" — like helping a partner clean the house — can be damaging if they're done in a bad mood, breeding resentment. Sometimes, it's okay to do you: it can actually be healthy to your relationship. Rather than constantly pandering, know when it's okay to be a little bit self-centered.

That's not to say you should rush out and start bringing totally unrealistic and completely selfish demands to your relationship. I stand by relationships being a 50/50, push/pull situation. And consider that the things you're allowed to be selfish about, your partner is allowed to be selfish about too—so you should choose wisely lest you wind up bitten in the ass by your own overdoing it. So I'm going to help you make some grown up decisions about when it's okay to be selfish in a relationship, because sometimes it's not only acceptable, it's necessary.

1. Oral sex

Oral sex isn't really about the person giving it. Sure, they might enjoy it and get turned on, but what they're getting turned on by is the person they've going down on enjoying themselves. Without forcing anything on your partner that they're not comfortable with, you can be the boss of oral sex. And you can be as selfish as you please. Call our directions, let them know what you like and what you don't like. Receiving oral sex is very much an exercise in lovely, orgasmic selfishness.

2. How you should be treated

Sometimes things won't be perfect in a relationship, and sometimes your partner might be cranky or dismissive. That happens. You'll probably be in a bad mood too from time to time. What matters is you don't compromise your self worth to let someone treat you badly. You absolutely can be selfish if your partner is being abusive in any way, emotionally or physically, and in those cases you should probably go all out with your selfishness and leave. (Actually, that wouldn't be "being selfish" at that point—it would be "being smart".) If it's just a general run of the mill, shitty meanness, you can be selfish in demanding apologies, and making it clear you won't coddle that sort of behavior.

3. Your career

You kind of have to do what you have to do when it comes to your career. If that means being long distance for a while, you're entitled to that if for whatever reason your partner can't go with you. A partnership is about support, and while life won't always play out that you can do exactly what you want, when you want, you still should be able to pursue your dreams without feeling guilty.

4. Your wardrobe

Your clothes are your clothes. You can wear what you want, when you want, and your relationship should have no bearing on your wardrobe (although probably don't use your joint finances to buy clothes if you want to be able to remain selfish about what you're buying).

5. Your politics

Just because you're in a relationship with someone who has different political ideologies to you, it doesn't mean you should change yours. You should always listen and try to learn and grow, but you're allowed to be selfish about holding onto the beliefs you've always lived with,

6. Feeling sick

If you're inflicted with a terrible cold, you can do as you please (which is generally moaning and napping and eating soup). This is your God given right.

7. Your "me" time

In every relationship, there's "me" time. Hanging out with friends, gardening, reading; whatever it is that you do when you're alone, you can be completely selfish about. You don't have to do this stuff any way other than how you want to do it, because it is, after all, your precious time to roll solo. And it's actually also the time that makes you appreciate your partner so much more.

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