5 Hilariously Awful First Date Stories, Because Dating Is Rough And You Are Not Alone
We've all been on a bad first date — or 20 — so when writer Anne Theriault came across a particularly egregious one taking place at the table next to her last week, she decided to live tweet it. The results are, as expected, painful and hilarious, as one tortured artist talks himself up to a potential lady friend, noting that he's been been compared to James Franco in the looks department. (Read the full version here).
Obviously, a total blowhard can make any date bad, but what other factors have to be at play to make an initial act of courtship especially rough? We sourced five particularly uncomfortable first date stories, and the things they had in common were either awkwardness, money issues, and/or arrogance. Put these three together and you have the hail mary of bad dates. But, to be honest, there are dozens of kinds of bad dates, and there's no exact science to figuring out whether you and your date are going to hit it off or hate each other. And lest you think it's always the dude who makes these encounters bad (like the James-Franco-lookalike), it's pretty clear that women can be just as unapologetically awkward, too. Here are five stories that will probably make you feel a whole lot better about your last bad date:
1. Peter, 30.
"I met her at a beer garden and we decided to go out the following week. She texted me that she had a surprise planned for our first date, and needed me to drive because she didn't have a car. She told me we had to get on the Pennsylvania Turnpike (we were in Brooklyn), and after begrudgingly agreeing to that, halfway there she told me that we were going to see a Bright Eyes concert (a band I hate). The evening consisted of her screaming in ecstasy and singing the lyrics loudly in my face as I tried to keep my anger under wraps. She then ran out of money and made me pay for dinner and all the tolls back. And to top it off, she told me her mom hoped we had a great time together."
2. Trixie, 28.
"We met on 2 apps, Hinge and Happn. We met up at a club with friends. He tricked me into going to his apartment by telling me that we needed to bring his dog with us to get food and then told me I was crazy when I told him I wanted to leave and go somewhere else because I was uncomfortable. When I ended up walking out of his apartment, he proceeded to incessantly text me telling me that I am the biggest c*nt he has ever met in a long time and that I missed out on my chance with him. He called me a psycho, a bitch and disrespectful. He also sent me pictures of him with another girl in bed."
3. Kathryn, 45
"After being dropped by my first college love, I was rescued by his roommate who wanted to show me what a real gentleman was. He asked me out on a date. I was naive and from a simple family. He was a Freshman who was from a family of significant means. He had traveled and knew gourmet food, sophisticated dining and high class manners. He took me to a fine dining restaurant. I was smart enough to copy everything he did and ordered the same drinks and food. I had never seen a whole Maine lobster never mind negotiated its claws and shells in polite company. He ordered scotch and soda for us. There was a gorgeous centerpiece which conveniently hid each shot of scotch that was served separate from the glass of soda and ice. I was on my third scotch when I began to feel VERY high and silly. I told my date I was really feeling high and I slurred a bit and laughed and knocked my water glass over. The waiter rushed over to mop up the mess and asked, "Is there something wrong with the scotch Miss?" I answered, "Why no it is excellent. I might have had one too many though." He laughed and said, "I don't think so." He moved the centerpiece to reveal a lineup of three glasses of untouched scotch. I had never been served the liquor and mixer separately, and was immediately struck sober and red-faced."
4. Chuck, 26
"I went on a date with a girl my friends had hooked me up with. For some reason she wanted to meet at some crappy diner. When we got there, she spent the entire time talking about her super hot firefighter ex-boyfriend, wondering why they couldn't make it work, and then got extremely annoyed when I didn't offer to pick up the check."
5. Sam, 32
"I went out on a date with this Zoolander model guy. We met up at this restaurant that he had apparently been fired from in Soho where only models worked. He was actually a model, but had just gotten into fetish and goth. After dinner (where he told me he had a foot fetish), he wanted to go to karaoke. I told him I didn't like karaoke, but he INSISTED. He went on to perform a HIGHLY dramatic rendition of some Incubus song — complete with dance moves — and the only way I could tolerate his presence after that was by making out with him to shut him up. I never saw him again."
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