The Countess has done it again: Real Housewives of New York star / pop music chanteuse LuAnnn de Lesseps has recorded and released yet another indisputable jam. “Girl Code (Don’t Be So Uncool)" made its debut on Watch What Happens Live at the end of June, and the song was finally added to the iTunes Store last Friday. (FINALLY, I say!) So how does single number three compare to the other fabulous songs dropped by de Lesseps? Does “Girl Code (Don’t Be So Uncool)” hold a candle to the magic of “Money Can’t Buy You Class” or “Chic C’est La Vie”?
There is only one way to find out: I must grade all three songs. Here's the rubric I'll use to do just that:
Favorite lyric — How brilliant is my favorite lyric from each song? 1 = "Boring and cliched." 10 = "Life-changing."Music video — How good is each music video? 1 = "Ugh, I never want to watch it again." 10 = "Wow, I'm overwhelmed by this masterpiece." Danceability — How dance-floor-worthy is each song?1 = "Lulls listener to sleep." 10 = "Can't stop bustin' moves!"Catchiness of chorus — How infectious is the chorus of each song? 1 = "Forgot it immediately." 10 = "It will live in my brain forever."
Let the grading begin!
"Money Can't Buy You Class" (2010)
FAVORITE LYRIC: “When entering a room / Greet everyone and soon / You'll be invited and entitled to the grandeur” Wow. What an invaluable life lesson. SCORE: 10
The wardrobe choices are sans flaw. Especially that corset number. So elegant.SCORE: 10
DANCEABILITY: This song serves up some '90s UK dance club realness. Absolute perfection.SCORE: 10
CATCHINESS OF CHORUS: Oh, this song. This song. I'm not exaggerating when I say "Money Can't Buy You Class" has been stuck in my head for five years.SCORE: 10
"Chic C'est La Vie" (2011)
FAVORITE LYRIC: “Jill bring your jewelry / Cindy bring those crystals / Ramona bring that pinot / Sonja, her men / Kelly, the jelly beans / Alex and Simon / And I'll bring the diamonds” That RHONY roll call has me like the prayer hands emoji. However, I have to dock a point because it's not quite clear what Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen are supposed to bring.SCORE: 9
LuAnn de Lesseps and Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin? I am not worthy.SCORE: 10
DANCEABILITY: Any time I hear this spoken-word song, my body refuses to sit still. SCORE: 10
CATCHINESS OF CHORUS: On more than one occasion, I've found myself singing "chic c'est la vie, sa bonne, sa bonne" as I throw half-price boxes of cereal in a Target shopping cart. The chic life IS good!SCORE: 10
"Girl Code (Don't Be So Uncool)" (2015)
FAVORITE LYRIC: “You broke the girl code / Don’t be so uncool”
These lyrics are so real. So LuAnn.SCORE: 10
LuAnn has yet to release a music video for this insta-classic track, so I had to dock a couple of points. However, the WWHL performance is pretty outstanding. SCORE: 8
DANCEABILITY: That funky bass line is fire. SCORE: 10
CATCHINESS OF CHORUS: Oh, what have we here? Yet another earwormy chorus from Countess LuAnn? This chorus is the opposite of uncool.SCORE: 10
And now it's time for the results! Drumroll, please. Don't be, like, uncool.
3rd Place: "Girl Code (Don't Be So Uncool)" 2nd Place: "Chic C'est La Vie"1st Place:
Congrats, "Money Can't Buy You Class". You truly are a gift.
... Wait. What happens when "Girl Code (Don't Be So Uncool)" gets the music video it deserves? Will it out-elegance "Money Can't Buy You Class"? Will it out-cool "Chic C'est La Vie"? Will it rule the Countess LuAnn song rankings? I'M FREAKIN' OUT.
Ah snap. I don't want to disappoint the Countess. I'll stop freakin' out. I'll be cool.