If 2016 Presidential Candidates Were Nickelodeon Cartoon Characters, The Race Wouldn't Actually Be That Different
Honestly, there's quite a lot to giggle about with the 2016 presidential race so far. First of all, Donald Trump is absurd and basically a caricature of himself, and just the sheer number of Republican candidates vying for the candidacy is laughable. If we couldn't chuckle our way through this presidential election season, I'm not sure it would be tolerable to pay attention to most of it. Because of this, I often find myself daydreaming about the candidates in various different comical scenarios (think: circuses, petting zoos, old-timey films), and it occurred to me that some of the candidates for president are frighteningly similar to Nickelodeon characters that I watched as a kid.
This is all no offense intended to the candidates; the political climate in the U.S. is bonkers, and if candidates weren't already a little loony, they surely would be driven to that point by partisan drama, debt problems, and incessant yammering from their colleagues in Washington. Given that we're all left observing this show from our homes the same way Nickelodeon got many of us through our childhoods, I think Nick can do the trick yet again for the election. Next time you see interviews from any member of our cast of candidates, just squint your eyes and picture them as these characters from Nickelodeon classics.
Carly Fiorina = Angelica Pickles From Rugrats
It seems that the only reason Carly Fiorina is even in the presidential race is that she has the financial means to run a campaign, otherwise, she doesn't have a lot going for her in terms of political clout. Much like Angelica from Rugrats, she's all about the cash money.
Bernie Sanders = Filbert From Rocko's Modern Life
Bernie Sanders has yet to dominate the democratic spotlight, as Hillary Clinton leads him in the polls and gets far more media attention. As the main character of Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko himself was always upstaging Filbert. But take heart, Bernie fans, while nearly everything makes Filbert nauseous (remember "I'm nauseous... I'm nauseous...?" Poor guy), Sanders seems sickened only by dirty money in politics.
Ted Cruz = Squidward From SpongeBob SquarePants
Not only do I think that Ted Cruz bears an uncanny resemblance to Squidward, but both Squidward and Cruz are grumpy as hell, seem like zero fun to be around, and you definitely wouldn't want either of them to be in charge, because frankly, they're not very good at their jobs.
Hillary Clinton = Judy Funnie From Doug
Judy Funnie is the consummate Nickelodeon intellectual. Like Hillary Clinton, Judy was always down to have discussions about "the man," and how to change the status quo. While I don't think Judy would ever wear a pant suit, I definitely think she and Hillz are kindred spirits.
Jeb Bush = Cat From CatDog
Poor Jeb Bush, he will always be in the shadow of his older presidential brother. Much like Cat was always being dragged into the messes that Dog would create on CatDog, Jeb will always have to answer for the mistakes George W. made while he held office. There's no escaping family!
Lincoln Chafee = Eugene From Hey! Arnold
Lincoln Chafee strikes me very much as a hapless, lovable nerd. When his wife put out an S.O.S. for Chafee's lost Facebook credentials, I couldn't help but think of Eugene from Hey! Arnold, who was always getting into dorky binds. Eugene and Chafee are both harmless, but will never be truly popular because of their nerd status (remember Chafee's obsession with the metric system?!).
Donald Trump = Daggett From The Angry Beavers
Sorry, Trump, but I just had to. Daggett always had a hot temper and easily had meltdowns. The only candidate that meets and far exceeds this criteria is the Donald. Trump is almost always losing his mind on Twitter, and I can only imagine that getting worked up like that day in and day out would cause his eyes to cross and his signature comb-over to go even more berserk than his awful speeches.