Cats are better than humans, as we previously established as hard fact just the other day. Humans, however, are still moderately clever and can be successful at mobilizing cats for their own uses. For example, there's a guy who created a catzooka. Or more appropriate, there's a man with a ridiculous hat and impressive video editing skills who presented the idea of a catzooka, a device that shoots adorable, fluffy white cats from it. Why not!
Cats are excellent companions. I guess I'd have to admit they make only moderately good roommates, mostly because even with my barfiest human roommate, I never had to help clean up accidents more than once per person. With cats, unfortunately, each vomit episode is yours and yours alone to deal with. Same with managing litter boxes, water levels, paying rent, maintaining apartment cleanliness, etc. But there is some sort of exchange possible, for sure. If you want more of these furry little friends in your life, then look no further than the catzooka, which looks like it will give you approximately infinity cats. All you have to do is start with one cat, and shazam:
Why make a bazillion cats? I'm glad you asked. You can warp your kitty comrades into formidable members of your own cat army, capable of handling whatever task it is you see fit. That makes you kitty commander. Or...another nickname you might like better (does not need to be alliterative). Here are some project ideas for your cat army:
Literally could not be more obnoxious than Skrillex, so.
Throw them in the water
For a surprise, aquatic attack. Use life vests!
Teach them to shred gnar
Or other, less dated jargon that means "skateboarding."
Form a band
This is a real thing that happens on tour like...apparently constantly. I saw them perform in Atlanta and it was absolutely impressive. It's also one (peaceful) option for your personal cat army.
IDK, guys. They're your cats—I mean, potential soldiers. Choose your own army adventure.