This "If Cats Could Talk" Comic Reveals Some Dark, Furry Truths — PHOTOS

Earlier this week, I alerted the world to my very important personal discovery: Cats are better than humans. I detailed what I thought was a rather exhaustive list of backing evidence to my claim. I was wrong and left out a very important pro for cats in the cat vs. human argument: Cats don't talk. They can't, even. Because if they could, cats wouldn't have nice stuff to say.

I had a highly talkative cat, Pantera, in college. She spent most of the day outdoors, exploring the neighborhood. More than once I saw her sprinting from roof to roof around our one-story apartment complex. Occasionally, she'd show her secret affections by way of freshly-slaughtered vermin, laid decoratively on the front stoops (sometimes this included lizard tails which she left flailing independent and severed from their bodies, all across my living room floor). Although cats have their own way of communicating, we are very blessed that it is not verbally. We can suspect meanings and form our own assumptions as much as we'd like, but we will never be totally sure what cats are trying to say. Again, this is a good thing. If cats could talk, we, as a society, would probably stop keeping them as pets STAT. Here are some examples of what I mean, as depicted through illustrations by cat comic genius Landysh (who recently wrote a book called "10 Pluses Of Having A Cat"):

What we interpret:

"Good morning!"

What they mean:

What we interpret:

"I have a highly selective taste when it comes to entertainment, which is really a reflection of how sophisticated my owner is. That's you! You're high class, bb. Keep trying—you're so brilliant I know you'll eventually figure it out."

What they mean:

What we interpret:

"Let's do yoga together! You do child's pose and I'll jump in after."

What they mean:

What we interpret:

"Technology is so basic. We should read, like, an IRL book. Then I might even curl up in your lap for an ideal Instagram post—not like that's necessary but it would get a lot of likes, TBH."

What they mean:

What we interpret:

"Just chasing a few Zs. Y'know, beauty rest. I'll see you in a minute!"

What they mean:

Man, if my current cat, Kevin, could talk...he'd very likely complain about all the poorly covered rap songs I perform for him daily. Or comment on the regularity of my lavish bubble baths...or how often I deem hummus and corn chips a legit breakfast.

Let's collectively give a little silent thanks for this gift: the gift of cats being unable to verbally communicate. And in the interim, we can continue on with our own adorable delusions that our cats really do care.

To see more of this comic series, the artist has a book "10 Pluses Of Having A Cat" you can buy right meow.

Images: Courtesy of Landysh(5)