As adults, we're expected to consume highly depressing breakfasts such as "just a thimble of fat-free Greek yogurt, THANKS" or "half a celery stick." Before we became plagued with moral questions and dairy options, breakfast was simple: sugary and synthetic as hell cereal from a box. Preferably with a cartoon character of slightly nightmarish quality proudly displayed on the front. What was with all the monster cereals of the '90s? The mystery remains. However, your favorite childhood cereal says a lot about you, aside from Halloween song preference.
Perhaps it was a unique situation, but I recall my folks stocking our family pantry with a variety of candy masquerading as healthy, vitamin-stuffed kibble designed for child consumption. Perhaps it was another unique situation in which I ate Count Chocula cereal every morning of high school until I moved out of my parents' home and into a cold, sad dorm in which I defaulted to fistfuls of Kashi to blend in with my new hippie friends. You know what? We all grow. At some point. Usually. Anyway, what's done is done and what breakfast cereal you favored as a child has long been established. What was yours? And more importantly, what does that preference say about you in a deep and meaningful way? Let's see.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Notorious for couch naps. Often found adding ice to wine that traditionally does not call for chilling, but hey, follow your bliss.
French Toast Crunch
Never uses Spotify outside of private session. Has a DIY'd Nick Cannon shrine in the closet complete with fake candles. #bless.
Apple Jacks
Is still confused about things that don't taste like apples.
Froot Loops
Stil in2 kreeativ spelink. Probably runs an art gallery.
Cookie Crunch
Mild sugarholic. Currently on a quest to purchase a canoe.
Count Chocula
Never in pants except for when absolutely necessary. Very not good at flirting (but in a charming way).
Oreo O's
Regional beatboxing champ.
Reeses Puffs
Has elaborate fantasies about the villain in Despicable Me. This is something the whole bar knows now, which is cool, friend.
Breakfast Bears
A figment of our collective imagination.
Rice Krispies Treats
Into wearing gym clothes when running errands. Does not and probably never will be an actual member of a real gym, but the leggings are stretchy, so...
Trix
Renaissance Fair vet.
Dino Pebbles
Not to be left alone on trips to the aquarium. Knows someone in Smash Mouth, the band.
Honey Smacks
Permanent bedhead, yet somehow this works. Very well.
Honeycomb
Probably called Chad (although they don't know it).
Images: ssssssooong/Instagram
