We've all been there: you're mid-sext and just about to fire off an exclamation of ejaculation and think, hmmm, is that really how it's spelled? Or perhaps you're writing a bit of historical slash fiction and suddenly realize you're not quite sure if "come" might trump "cum" in 1969. Well, thanks to Katy Waldman's revelatory piece in Slate this week, we now know how to come correct — or, rather, how to spell "come" correctly.
According to Waldman, there are distinct occasions that warrant a particular spelling, and the perceived level of professionalism counts. She includes literature, pieces of serious journalism and conservative love affairs all as places where "come" must be spelled in full. On the other hand, men's magazines, romance novels, and sexts may stick to the sleazy shorthand. I would add that women's magazines have just as much a right to "cum" as men's magazines do, thank you very much, and if they're lucky, multiple times at that. But I digress.
In addition to the places she lists, ghats, dating app messages, and tweets should be allowed to "cum" as well. But what if you're not interested in coming? Or you're looking for a new way to come altogether? For all the cunning linguists out there, here are four alternatives to the word to spice things up.
1. The Little Death
Orgasm is referred to as "la petite mort" in French — translation: "the little death" — so the Marquis De Sade frequently has his characters calling out "I die, I die!" when they climax. It's totally melodramatic and really hits a home run with your the inner goth.
2. Crescendo
A tasty musical term that defines a sound which grows and steadily increases in loudness and/or force is the perfect synonym for a classy, climactic sexual release.
3. Bring On The China
According to linguist Jonathon Green's Green's Dictionary of Slang, "bring on the China" has its origins in 1930 as a euphemism for you-know-what. It's quite an evocative description, don't you think?
4. Melt
This orgasm substitute from 1620 is actually sort of romantic, and can of course be used in both noun and verb form. So maybe that's what the Wicked Witch of the West really meant in her infamous final scene?
If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, watch the sex myths you believed as a child below (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube page for more videos):
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Images: Foundry/Pixabay; Giphy (4)
