I am extremely open about my masturbation habits. My 8-speed Hitachi wand lays dutifully plugged in by my bed, for use at any moment's notice. I hide it from neither my friends or my sexual partners. During sex, I often need to use a vibrator to reach climax. Most of my partners have been very accepting of this — offering to switch positions or go slower to accommodate the vibrator's presence. But not all men love when women use vibrators. I found this out during a threesome with a couple, *Amber and Karim, who I had been seeing. We had been playing around during foreplay when I pulled my Rabbit vibrator out from my overnight bag and placed it on Amber's clit. Karim flipped out.
He stormed out of the room and yelled, "I guess you don't need me anymore since you have your vibrator!" It took several minutes to calm him down, and by that point, I was thoroughly over it. The conflict felt so silly and irrational.. it was just a vibrator after all. I also felt that it was selfish for Karim to get angry with Amber for trying to enhance her pleasure, even if it meant his ego had to take a small hit.
In retrospect, I see that Karim's issue with the vibrator was much more nuanced than I could see from the surface. On one hand, some men melt at the idea of a girl playing with a vibrator. It is naughty and subversive — like something straight out of a porn video. Conversely, maybe vibrators give some men an inferiority complex. They equate their partner's use of a vibrator with their inadequacy as a sexual partner and by extension, as a man.
To get the scoop, I sat down with 11 men and asked them how they felt about women using vibrators. I found that most men are totally chill with it, and those who are not, related their fears to a sense of inadequacy and jealousy:
1. *Josh, 30:
"Enthusiastic fan. Can I watch? No jealousy issues either way."
2. *Myles, 25:
"Is she going to marry the vibrator? No? Then I don't care."
3. *Ryan, 22:
"I would rather she use a vibrator then cheat on me with a real guy!"
4. *Sean, 20:
"I think it's super sexy when a girl plays with her vibrator. It shows that she is sexual and in touch with her body."
5. *Cory, 23:
"Personally, I think its naughtier for a girl to finger herself, but a vibrator is hot too."
6. *Steven, 25:
"For a girl to be horny enough to use a vibrator.. that's hot."
7. *Jesse, 28:
"I go away for work trips a lot, and I always joke that my girlfriend's vibrator can sub in for me."
8. *Trenton, 25:
"I love it when girls I hook up with use vibrators. It shows a certain boldness and comfort with her own sexuality— she obviously had to go in a store and buy it. Some girls are too shy for that."
9. *Amal, 20:
"My girlfriend sometimes uses her vibrator during sex. I honestly don't like it because it makes me feel like I'm not enough for her. Like, she needs some machine to please her because my penis isn't enough to make her orgasm."
10. *Ben, 20:
"I like watching my girlfriend use her vibrator because it gives her a really intense orgasm and her whole body just rocks."
11. *Bryce, 22:
"It would bother me if she was masturbating with some huge 10-inch dildo, but its just a vibrator. Its harmless."
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*Names have been changed