Every single one of us has been overcome by a bout of extreme laziness at one point or another, but there's something about sweltering hot weather that makes even simple tasks feel impossible in the summer. And boy, is it hot. At least 16 states are under heat advisories, with many more breaking warm-weather records across the country. Even the temperate-weather-spoiled denizens of Los Angeles are getting hit with crazy heat and humidity this week — but hey! At least we're all in this together, right?
Maslow's whole hierarchy of needs gets boiled down (see what I did there?) to the basic need to not be covered in 10 layers of sweat at all times, night and day. As if we needed any more excuses to justify a lack of productivity on lazy summer days, the scorching heat makes doing real life things that much more of a challenge. From getting ready and looking like a presentable member of society to traveling places and accomplishing anything once you get there, life is hard when you only want to post up in front of the air conditioner and vegetate with a cold glass of sauvignon blanc.
Here are nine seemingly simple tasks that become darn near impossible when you factor in the crazy-hot summer temperatures.
1. Doing your makeup, because you know it's going to melt off in five seconds
Is there anything more futile than getting your foundation to look right when you know that it is going to be dripping into your cleavage in 10 minutes or less? In this heat, your contouring will depreciate faster than a BMV 7 Series.
Speaking of contouring, have you seen clown contouring? Check it out right here (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube for more hilarious videos!):
2. Getting your hair to do anything normal
On a similar note, expecting to have your hair do anything you want it to do during the summer is a fool's errand, unless you live in Arizona where there is zero percent humidity.
3. Walking your dog
The worst thing about summer time is when you step outside, and your dog who normally loves long walks looks at you like, "Are you kidding me with this heat? You could at least bring me a pair of sandals to walk around on this lava-covered sidewalk." Dog walks have to be rerouted to night time when their little toes can handle the temperature of the ground outside.
I would walk, but I'd get a sunburn. I would take the subway, but I might boil alive waiting for the train. I would drive, but I need oven mitts to touch the steering wheel. Guess I'm not going anywhere.
5. Being productive at work
This is why some New Yorker invented summer Fridays. In my experience, summer Mondays might actually be a good idea too.
6. Cooking things
I have no urge to turn all the burners on my stove on when it's already 87 degrees in my apartment even with the AC bumping. Seamless, thank you for keeping us alive all summer.
7. Cleaning the dishes
Yeah, like we need another reason to not want to stand in front of the sink for a half hour scrubbing leftover spaghetti off of our Ikea plates. I like to pretend I'm getting a facial from the blast of steam pointed directly at my face. It's like a budget sauna.
Even if you're a member of an air conditioned gym, this adds another shower to your day.
Blanket? No blanket? Is that a bug or a bead of sweat? Sleeping when it's super hot in your room is not going to be pleasant. It's time for a slumber party in the living room!
Looking for instant ways to beat the heat this summer? Check out these genius cooling tricks, and for more life hacks, visit Bustle on YouTube.