What I love most about Syfy's Sharknado movies — aside from the shark-infested tornado attacking land, of course — is that it's a world where anything is possible. And I mean anything. For example, businessman and Shark Tank investor Mark Cuban plays the president in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! It's too perfect, isn't it? A real life shark (investor) is going to use his wits, his bite — and according to the trailer, his shotgun — to lead the United States to victory against the threat of a dangerous sharknado, which this time, has set its sight on the East Coast from Washington, D.C. to Orlando, Florida.
Cuban is famous for being the outspoken owner of the Dallas Mavericks basketball team, and the Shark Tank entrepreneur has certainly commented about that other wealthy businessman running for president — Donald Trump. "He is a Paper Tiger," Cuban posted about the 2016 presidential candidate on his app Cyber Dust. "It’s very possible that he doesn’t have the cash himself and has bragged himself into a position where he can’t afford the cash it takes to run for President!"
But, what would Mark Cuban himself be like as POTUS? Let's see...
He'd Simplify Things For Start-Ups
Inc. recently asked Cuban what he'd do if he were president, and among those things was to enact a simplification for start-up companies, which right now includes a ton of red tape. "I would simplify the 'administrivia' to start a business, so there's just a single form and you don't have to apply in every municipality," Cuban told the magazine.
He'd Be Stricter About Patents
Here's another way Cuban said he wants to look out for businesses. He says the U.S. patent office issues many copyrights, and it creates a backlog of lawsuits over ideas. "Every company is getting sued for patents for the most ridiculous [stuff] ever," he told Inc.
He'd Try To Close The Wealth Gap
Like the old saying goes, the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. Cuban said he'd want to address this gap. "It's creating a risk factor that hurts everybody," he told Inc. "If you have to worry about whether or not there's going to be riots or instability where your businesses are, that's an unquantifiable risk."
Maybe He'd Require Schools To Teach Ayn Rand
This one's theoretical, but Cuban is a big fan of Rand's The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. Cuban's yacht is even named Fountainhead . Last year, he tweeted a whole rant comparing net neutrality to Atlas Shrugged (but later deleted the tweets). So, knowing all this, I imagine that, as President, he'd probably set a mandate to have both books taught in schools.
Perhaps He'd Make Sure The Dallas Mavericks Reached The NBA Finals Every Year
Naturally, Cuban loves his NBA team. Can you fix the NBA Finals when you're Commander-in-Chief? Probably not, but maybe he'll find a way to convince NBA champs Stephen Curry or LeBron James to play for the Mavs and take them to victory.
There Would Probably Be A Nationwide Shark Tank Competition
We have the National Spelling Bee every year, so how about a national competition to fund new small businesses? It would be like Shark Tank, but not just on TV — but sure, ABC can come film it, too. If you like the idea of a Mark Cuban-lead America, tune in to Sharknado 3 on July 22 to see how he takes charge of the country.
Image: The Global Asylum/Syfy; Getty Images; Giphy (5)