"I'm really into BDSM," is an eye-roll worthy sentence I often hear from the men I speak to on dating sites. In my experience, talk is nothing but talk —and most men do just that. But how do you if you're sexually compatible isn't easy. Most of the men who tell me they're interested in BDSM either have no clue what it actually is, or can't bring it to the level that I need.
Oliver and I met on OkCupid. He was a 5'6", 23-year-old businessman straight out of college, and he was quick to inform me of his interest in kink and ask me on a date. He was cute and I was horny, so I decided to give him a try and take him up on his offer. Our first destination was Cheesecake Factory, where he spoke excitedly about his entrepreneurship and love of golfing. I listened enthusiastically and nodded in agreement.
After the date, we headed back to his place in the Valley. He lived in the guest cottage of his parent's mansion, which I found both really cute and kinda cringeworthy. I sat on his leather couch, looking around at the paintings on the wall and the oddly placed stains on the carpet. "Hold on a second," he said, retreating into his bedroom. He returned a few moments later holding a leash, collar, and whip. I knew that he was going to bring the kinkiness level I needed. The sexual chemistry was insane.
Moments later, I was being walked around on all fours. Minutes later, I was handcuffed to a chair and whipped. This foreplay was followed by incredible, rough sex.
Now, I totally don't recommend that you go home with a guy on the first date and try BDSM with a brand new partner. For me, it felt right, but I probably should've been more careful.
Do you have any similar stories of when that sexual chemistry just clicked? I sat down with 10 men and women to get their take:
1. *Jamie, 30:
" I can't know we are compatible until we jump into bed. Talk is talk, but that doesn't mean much. She could be a star fish. Or into some really weird sh*t."
2. *John, 25:
"It's pretty difficult for a girl to screw up (pun intended)."
3. *Kyle, 22:
"If a girl is wild and uninhibited in real life, we're going to get along well in the bedroom."
4. *Chris, 25:
"When a women dresses provocatively and holds her head high, I know we will have good sex. She is confident and knows what she wants."
5. *Dominick, 24:
"If she talks dirty to me beforehand, I'm into it. It means she won't be a starfish."
6. *Lana, 25:
"I knew my boyfriend and I were compatible when he kept telling me what I should eat. Im a sub, and I love being dommed like that."
9. *Kelly, 23:
"I asked him to tell me his favorite porn genre, and turns out it's my favorite, too!"
10. *Karen, 30:
"Our first time having sex, he spent like an hour on foreplay — kissing my neck, massaging me.. It showed me that his style is more slow and soft, just what I like."
11. *Lucy, 28:
"He has a very high powered job-- that in and of itself is super sexy to me. It says something about his personality in the bedroom-- that he'll be dominating and in control."
12. *Mina, 20:
"I dated one guy who was really into Tumblr gifs. He would send me sexy gifs he found, and they were all things I found really hot."
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