3 Things To Know Before Going On A Double Date With A Non-Monogamous Couple

It’s a tale as old as time: You and your best friend want to set up a double date with your partners, so the four of you spend weeks (months?) in a group chat, volleying back and forth to pitch dates and lock in a reservation. When the day finally comes, you slog through a full work day before meeting up with your partner to grab a cab. Then en route to your reservation, a revelation: As you mindlessly open social media, your thumb stops mid-scroll when you see that your best friend has posted a picture of them kissing someone. And that someone is not the partner you’re about to meet up with.

Congratulations! Your best friend is non-monogamous, and you’re five minutes out from needing to play it cooler than the other side of the pillow.

If this scenario doesn’t sound familiar, it will once you’ve watched the funniest movie of the year: NEON’s “Splitsville,” an unromantic comedy starring Dakota Johnson and Adria Arjona. The film follows the good-natured Carey (Kyle Marvin) who runs to his best friends Julie (Johnson) and Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) for support when his wife (Arjona) asks for a divorce. To his surprise, Julie reveals that the secret to her and Paul’s happy marriage is non-monogamy, which leads Carey to cross a line that puts everybody’s relationships at risk.

Hoping to avoid a similar multi-relationship meltdown? Inspired by Carey’s imperfect introduction to the world of ethical non-monogamy, read on to learn what not to do on this hypothetical double date.

1. Don’t Ask If They’re Getting Divorced

Not only is this question a vibe killer, it’s also a great way to make yourself look like a jerk. It’s a rookie mistake to assume non-monogamy is a last-ditch effort to save a struggling relationship — and you’re no rookie, are you? Maybe your friends just like having sex with other people. That’s fine! Great, even! You’re obviously going to have questions, especially if you’ve only known these friends as a monogamous couple. Chances are they’ll answer whichever ones pop up, but this is a great reminder of the golden rule: don’t ask your friends questions about their sex lives that you wouldn’t want asked of yours.

Remember: Monogamy isn’t for everyone. The “why” doesn’t matter, and is most likely none of your business. So if you feel the urge to ask your friends a nosey question that you wouldn’t have asked when you assumed they were monogamous, your best bet is to shovel the nearest appetizer into your mouth and keep quiet.

2. Don’t Assume This Means They’re Hitting On You

Again with the rookie moves! Say it with me: Boundaries are an important part of any relationship. Just because your friends told you they’re open to sleeping with other people doesn’t mean they’re open to sleeping with you. Unless you and your partner had a very specific pre-dinner chat (you didn’t), deciding to risk it all is a losing bet.

In “Splitsville,” this assumption is what pushes Carey — and all of his dearest friends — past the point of no return. When he and Julie sleep together (Not a spoiler. It’s literally in the trailer.), their decision sets into motion a series of events that includes Carey and Paul flying through a second story window, a cast of misfit roommates, and a never-ending slew of legal proceedings.

3. Don’t Immediately Try To Open Up Your Own Relationship

If you’ve made it this far without turning date night into an interrogation or an awkward attempt at seduction, you’re doing great — but you’re not out of the woods yet. The final challenge is waiting at home. The novelty of a new experience can be intoxicating, but if you sense the words “Hey, maybe we should try that too” or “I think they might be on to something” dancing at the tip of your tongue, hold them in like a fart on a first date.

Just like monogamy isn’t for everyone, neither is non-monogamy. If it’s something you really want, cool, but bring it up later after you’ve fully digested dinner and your friends’ deliciously interesting new lifestyle. Until then, take the win. You went out, you ate dinner, and unlike Carey, you managed not to implode all of your closest relationships.

Curious to see how Carey and his friends navigate this tangled web? Grab tickets for you and your partner to see “Splitsville,” now playing in select theaters, everywhere September 5.