Married People Give Advice To Their Former Single Selves

Show of hands if you’re guilty of one (or more) of the following: scrolled through an ex’s Insta feed; scrolled through an ex’s new flame’s Insta feed; contemplated sending an ex a midnight text; had a sex dream about an ex; thought about an ex while having sex with someone else.

Yeah, we see those fingers tentatively reaching to the sky. It’s OK! I mean, who hasn’t done something on this list, right? But what happens when a relatively innocent walk down memory lane becomes something more? That’s the question examined — quite thoroughly — in the steamy new Netflix series Sex/Life, debuting June 25.

The show — inspired by the novel 44 Chapters About 4 Men by BB Easton — follows Billie (played by Sarah Shahi), a married mother of two who keeps fantasizing about her bad-boy ex Brad (played by Adam Demos). Things get even more complicated for Billie and her relationship with husband Cooper (played by Mike Vogel) when Brad shows back up in Billie’s life. (Uh-ohhhh!)

Just as Billie looks back on her single years — and the lessons she has and hasn’t learned — in Sex/Life, we asked six married people to reflect on the time before they tied the knot and offer advice to their former single selves. The result? Wise words that will have you nodding your head — whether you’re married or single.

Prioritize Your Pals

“Invest more time in your friendships than in dating. You will never regret time spent with your friends, whereas some of those hookups…” —Sabrina, 43, Brooklyn

Maintain Your Own Interests

“Identify what extracurricular activities you enjoy, and protect the time, energy, and resources it takes to do those fiercely. And if you meet someone who doesn’t do those things — all the better! Now you have protected solo time.” —Lauren, 37, Anchorage

Seriously, Though, Maintain Your Own Interests!

“Prioritize exploring and finding something you're passionate about, whether that's a career or just a hobby. Hold on to that one thing for dear life because you won't have the time, energy, or will to explore later on when so much of yourself is devoted to supporting and caring for your family.” —Wendy, 35, Brooklyn

Don’t Sweat Your Dating Mistakes Too Hard

“I used to joke that I was going to write a book called Stop Dicking Away Your Child-Bearing Years. I still think I spent too much time on guys who were clearly not going to help me make the life I wanted. (Or treat me with basic human decency). But if I actually had the chance to give my younger self advice, I would ... just not. My worst life choices directly set the stage for the best things that have ever happened to me. I suffered plenty, but I'd be too afraid to steer Baby Brooke down a road that wouldn't end here: happily married with three beautiful stepchildren and the coolest baby I've ever known. It was all worth it.” —Brooke, 44, Boston

Learn To Listen

"Cultivate active listening skills. Learn to understand your partner's emotions so they feel seen and heard. Don’t take 'my day was fine' at face value — everyone defines 'fine' in different terms. Like each emotion has a different story behind it. Your (insert) emotion might feel and look different than mine. Be inquisitive and also respect the person as you process the information given." —Kandyce, 39, Portland, Oregon

Don’t Give Up

"I would tell my younger, single self that dating is WORK, and it's hard to face rejection, weirdos, getting dressed up only to have a 'meh' evening. But the more you get yourself out there — the more blind dates, setups, times you walk up to some rando at the bar — the closer you get to finding someone you love to spend your time with." —Megan, 39, New Canaan, Connecticut

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