TV & Movies

11 Nessa From Gavin & Stacey Quotes That Are Bang Tidy & Funny AF

Barry Island's best-known arcade worker has a very special brand of savagery.

Comic Relief/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

There are a few special TV series that have such epically crafted characters and catchphrases that they become common vernacular. Gavin and Stacey is one such show. I take advantage of every opportunity to embody the dramatics of Pam and exclaim “oh my christ.” You see some of your own family and friends in the Wests and the Shipmans. And while she may not be a title character, there’s no denying Nessa from Gavin and Stacey had some of the best lines in the whole show. Ruth Jones’ fictional anti-heroine is outrageous and straight to the point. I won’t lie to you, we could do with Nessa’s unique brand of savagery right now.

With three seasons and explosive Christmas specials under its belt, it’s never a bad idea to go back and revisit the shenanigans on Barry Island. Fans proved the love is still strong when, after a nine year break, 18.5 million people tuned in to the Christmas special in 2019. Some speculated whether it was a sign that Ruth Jones and James Corden would be joining forces once again to give fans the season four they’ve been dying to see. However, as Corden is settled stateside and Jones has resumed her post in Cardiff as a true Welsh icon, it isn’t looking likely.

So, if you need another nudge to watch Gavin and Stacey all over again here are some of Nessa’s best comebacks. Tidy.

No Second Chances
BBC iPlayer / Gavin & Stacey

Season 1, Episode 1: Dave Coaches may think asking Nessa over for a takeaway is harmless. She doesn’t think so when she responds, “oh. Dave, when are you gonna learn? You can buy me all the chocolates, all the chow mein you like but it won’t wash and you knows why. Now, back off, or I’ll tell everyone about my trip to the doctor’s. Is that what you really want?”

TBF, Same

Season 1, Episode 5: “I’ll have a pint. Of wine.” Nessa proving there’s only one acceptable drinks order at Stacey’s hen do (and in life.)

Connections In High Places

Season 1, Episode 6: The disappointment when Nessa finds out she’s having a baby with Smithy is felt on many levels. “I just can’t believe this, Stace. Of all the people I’ve slept with it’s him gets me pregnant. Not Nigel Havers, not John Prescott, not any of Goldie Lookin Chain. No, some kn*bhead from Essex.”

An Iconic Catchphrase

“I won’t lie to you” — does anymore need to be said?

What's Going On?

“Oh what’s occurring?” because asking what's happening just won't do.

Drunk DMC

Season 1, Episode 5: When Nessa has a deep and meaningful chat with Stacey at her hen do she re-enacts every 3 a.m. heart to heart you’ve had with your bestie, “at the end of the day…when all’s said and done…d’ya know what I mean?”

Great Customer Service

Season 2, Episode 3: While some say the customer is always right Nessa takes a different approach. To get one man off the slot machines she announces “now sling your hook or I'll break your face.”

A Translation, Please
BBC iPlayer / Gavin & Stacey

Season 1, Episode 6: “Where to she now then?” This sentence shouldn’t make sense but for all of us who love Nessa know she’s only asking where Smithy’s girlfriend is.

A Twist On Santa

Christmas Special 2019: “Oh. Oh. Oh. Merry Christmas.” Out with Santa and in with Nessa.

Relationship Gold

Season 2, Episode 7: When Stacey reveals it could be all over between her and Gavin, Nessa drops a pearl of wisdom, “you'd be a fool to let that one go. He's cracking. Even if he is a bit short.”

Meeting The Family
BBC iPlayer / Gavin & Stacey

Season 1, Episode 3: Meeting the family can be awkward and involves a lot of small talk but in their first meeting when Mick asks if Nessa drives she responds, “I don't Mick, which is a shame, cos I loves a good ride.” Cue red faces all round.