Movies

10 Things I Noticed Rewatching Twilight In 2021

Including the true hero of the film.

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) holds his face in horror in a still from the first Twilight film.
Paramount

Now that the modern classic Twilight is available on Netflix, everyone is getting the chance to rewatch. And I do mean everyone: When they hit the streaming platform this summer, the Twilight films became the five most-watched movies on Netflix.

While diehard fans likely relished reliving every minute of vampire romance, for more casual viewers, it didn’t take long to remember... Oh yeah, these movies are kind of crazy. Moviegoers who watched the film exactly one time in 2008 and haven’t thought about it since, be warned: Twilight is even weirder than you remember.

The story is odd (the actors agree!). The acting is... not subtle. The music is very much of its (very emo) time. It’s strange to think that in spite of all of that, this movie would kill it at the box office — the first in a series that would net over $3.3 billion in theaters worldwide.

But I’m not here to debate Twilight’s cinematic merits. No, we’re here today because, even after nearly 13 years, there’s still more to discuss about the movie (specifically, how all the vampires should be in therapy, and how Carlisle Cullen really messed up during a pandemic). This is Twilight in 2021!

Rosalie has a way more interesting story than Bella.

I realize that Rosalie’s backstory isn’t revealed in the first movie, but the presence of the crabby blonde reminded me: Yes, I would like to watch a movie about the rape survivor-turned vampire vigilante who wears a wedding dress while she kills the men who brutalized her. She’s way more exciting than a mopey teen! (Sorry not sorry, Bella.)

Wow, my tastes have shifted.

Did anyone... realize... how hot Bella’s dad and Carlisle were? I couldn’t spare a single thought for the teens — Billy Burke’s sad, solemn face is all I need.

Where’d you go, Cam Gigandet?

Lester Cohen/WireImage/Getty Images

I know, I know, he’s a perfectly legit working actor, but remember when the guy who played James was being pitched as the next leading-man heartthrob? The poor thing spends all of Twilight shirtless and probably very waxed.

The pandemic makes me question Carlisle’s choices.

So, you were living through the Spanish flu, in which an estimated 50 million people died, and you saved... one person?!

I can’t believe this is the most joyful film in the franchise.

I appreciated the note on IMDb that “Kristen Stewart smiles over 35 times during the course of the movie.” Because it feels like... much less.

Anna Kendrick is the best part.

Kendrick has lovingly called her character “an idiot,” but Jessica is anything but. She’s a good friend (she tries to support Bella as she’s dating a weird older guy), and an endearingly excitable teen (she swoons over going to the prom with her age-appropriate crush, and doesn’t shy away from how great her boobs look in her dress!). Jessica is also the only character to offer some comedy and snark — the rest act like they’re waiting to get colonoscopies.

Jackson Rathbone’s wide-eyed hungry face is distracting.

I realize that his actions are meant to set up a pivotal scene in the second film, but it’s still unsettling. And that’s not to mention the main reason to hate his character: Jasper used to be a Confederate soldier.

So they couldn’t have found, like, a vampire therapist?

Instead of self-soothing by watching a 17-year-old sleep, Edward, maybe try working on yourself.

Also, Edward, you used to be human.

Don’t act like you don’t know what sleep is and why Bella needs it! Also, let’s say it again: Stop watching people sleep without their knowledge.

One more thing: please don’t “make” anyone dance, Edward.

Instead, perhaps the filmmakers could have included a scene where Edward makes Bella foxtrot, and she accidentally knees him in the balls.