The Second Coming Of Why Men Love Bitches

It was a Saturday afternoon, and my DMs were in chaos.

Earlier in the day I’d posted a picture of Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches — which I’d decided to purchase after seeing a friend share her copy on Instagram, and my curiosity got the better of me — and my followers were eager to discuss. “Some friends of mine from high school told me to read it during the depths of a COVID breakup, when I was also asking for crystal recommendations,” one friend told me of having purchased the 2002 dating bible. “I’ve been gifted this book more times than I can count,” said another.

And later, when I told my editor about the shocking amount of enthusiasm I’d received, she shared a story of her own: “My single friend had a copy, which she adored. She gave it to another of our friends when she moved in with her then-boyfriend, now-husband. The next friend read it and gave me the copy when she moved to New York with her then-boyfriend, now-husband. I forgot to read it and took it to a charity shop when I moved. I am still single.”

For the women of my peer group — unmarried, city-dwelling, career-focused millennials who came of age in the 2000s — WMLB could easily be written off as a relic of a bygone age. The book’s mission statement, “From Doormat to Dreamgirl — A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship,” evokes images of Barnes & Noble display tables piled high with the era’s blockbuster self-help books. (He’s Just Not That Into You was published two years after WMLB; The Secret another two after that.) For millennials, whose early adulthood was filled with #Girlbossing and “Feminist” T-shirts and critiques of “mansplaining” and “manspreading,” the idea of learning to embody what “men love” was not just archaic but unnecessary. Men had to learn to love women as they were, not the other way around! It took Gen Z to point out that maybe that was the book’s goal from the very beginning.

At its core, WMLB is a no-nonsense relationship manual that encourages women to be assertive, exude confidence, and in turn, own their self-worth. Yes, some of the advice can feel a bit dated (more on that later), but for TikTok’s Argov evangelicals, it works. “[It] actually changed my life,” 23-year-old content creator Lauren Tiby told her more than 700,000 followers in May. “Not even the sense of when it comes to dating, but it genuinely boosted my confidence in who I was, times a million.” It’s less about bending, she says, and more about standing up to full height. “People are like, ‘Oh, my God, the title is so crazy.’ But it makes you really believe in yourself and be like, ‘I don't need a guy to do anything. I don’t even need a guy.’"

WMLB and its 2006 sequel, Why Men Marry Bitches, first went viral on BookTok in 2021, leading WMLB to land on the UK’s Sunday Times top 10 paperback bestseller list for the first time since its release. Since then, hashtags referencing the longtime Amazon bestseller have reportedly exceeded 200 million views on the platform. And although there’s no concrete way to account for its sudden resurgence, the TikTokers who love the book most feel its success on the platform is likely due to the fact that its content feels tailor-made for it. Each chapter begins with an inspirational quote (Sophia Loren’s “sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got, and 50% what people think you’ve got” opens the first) and is then peppered with what Argov calls “attraction principles.” (“Anything a person chases in life runs away,” reads one. “It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt,” goes another.) And on an app known for its easily digestible advice videos, Argov’s soundbite style of writing lends itself to such hack-heavy posts.

Gen Z are also, experts say, unfreighted by millennial ideas about the “right” way to find a partner. They just want something that works. “We’re living in an age where people are looking for answers, they want the quick fix. They want to know and understand how to date,” says dating coach and matchmaker Nelly Sudri, 27, who frequently references Argov’s attraction principles in her own videos. “It really just gives you these dating laws that actually work 20 years later.” Argov’s attraction principles have also stuck in Tiby’s head. “It’s the advice that your friends give you, but having it come from this book just feels more powerful because of the language that she uses,” she says of mottos like, “Emotional self-control equals control over how you are treated [and] control over whether you are respected.”

“People are like, ‘Oh, my God, the title is so crazy.’ But it makes you really believe in yourself and be like, ‘I don't need a guy to do anything. I don’t even need a guy.’ ”

Although Argov never could’ve fathomed that her voice would translate well to the internet, let alone TikTok, the first-time author was uncompromising when it came to her approach. Often hilarious, always straight-shooting, Argov received 57 rejection letters when she tried to get it published in her early 20s. (Just one publishing house told her yes, but only if she changed the title of her book.) And once she finally found a small publisher willing to do it her way, it took a few months for the eventual bestseller to find its audience. (The book has since sold more than five million copies.)

“It was a sleeper hit,” Argov says from Los Angeles. “I attribute [the success] to the women who connected to the material and shared it with their mothers, sisters, cousins, closest girlfriends, or sorority sisters,” she adds. “I’ve had letters from women where they say that they grew up in foster care and reading my book gave them the guidance that they didn’t get from a foster parent or from an older sister.”

In many ways, Argov’s voice was the precursor to the “hey bestie,” older sister energy many TikTokers adopt on the platform — the human embodiment of the phrase, “No one will tell you this but me.” (Think nuggets of wisdom like: “The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.”) And it’s this camaraderie between women that has continuously inspired Argov, who communicates with many of her TikTok acolytes. “When I see videos where a 16-year-old girl is sitting on her bed, clutching her teddy bear in one hand and my book in the other hand, how does it not warm your heart?” she asks.

Which isn’t to say all of WMLB is perfect. Fans like Tiby, who entered a relationship soon after she began applying Argov’s principles to her dating life, often warn their friends to take Argov’s advice with a grain of salt. “Of course it’s a little dated — it’s from 20 years ago,” she says of issues like the book’s heteronormativity. “The first chapter, she talks about not cooking for a guy unless it’s a hot dog or something. I’m like, ‘If you could just look past that and take away a general idea from it, then you’ll get something out of it.’” Argov’s actual recommendation is even more low lift than Tiby remembers. “The dreamgirl,” she writes on page 3, “will start out cooking him a one-course meal. (Popcorn.)”

Tech marketer Ilinca Sipos echoes this sentiment, while also pointing out her belief that Gen Z fans are much more willing to look past some of the work’s more tired tropes and toward WMLB’s true message. “I’m 27, but I would venture to say if a 35-year-old woman is looking to get better at her dating life, it's not the book that she would pick up. I think the principles are just geared toward someone who is younger, which is part of the success of the book on TikTok and that resurgence of it,” she says, pointing to the fact that Gen Z has had less time in the dating pool, and as such, are more receptive to guidance. “[Readers should] take what you like from it. I walked away from the book feeling like, ‘It’s a great reminder to constantly be doing the things in your life that make you, you — regardless of if you have a partner.’”

Which for some, like the friend in my DMs who had turned to WMLB at the height of her COVID breakup, means taking that first bit of wisdom as gospel. “I’ll tell you the only thing I actually took from it and use in practice is, ‘Don’t cook for a man too soon,’” she tells me. “They don’t deserve it.”

Correction: A previous version of this article included a quote misattributed to Why Men Love Bitches and misstated the book’s sales figures. It has been updated to remove the quote and include the accurate sales figures.