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136 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Kind Of Funny

"Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able."

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Father telling dad jokes to his daughter as they walk
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Out of all comedy sub-genres, there’s none that get quite the reaction than that of dad jokes — not because they’re necessarily funny but usually for their undeniable ability to provoke the most deep, profound level of cringe. Nonetheless, dad jokes are beloved (prized, even!) fatherly rite of passage. These cheeky little quips are the “dogs that are so ugly, they’re cute” of jokes: they’re unfunny enough that you can’t help but laugh. (Albeit while you groan and roll your eyes... but laugh all the same.)

The key is in the anticlimactic nature of the setup and punchline. It’s in the absolute reaching to make a pun fit. The overly simplistic humor is generally the most enjoyed by the joke-teller themself as they provoke defeated sighs out of whoever will listen.

If out-dad-joking your father, uncle, grandpa, or simply a dad-joke-loving friend is of high priority, here are some of the dad-jokiest of dad jokes to ever dad joke. These bad boys will earn the jokester either a sympathy laugh, a grimace, or even a slow-rolling tear down the cheek of whoever was unlucky enough to bear witness to such comedic disgrace.

Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually (Kind Of) Funny

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  1. As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
  2. Went to the bar tonight. Good times. Only a 15-minute walk. But the walk home took 45 minutes, the difference was staggering.
  3. I recently took a pole. And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Punniest Dad Jokes

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  1. Son: “Dad, can you please explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” Dad: “No sun."
  2. Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
  3. I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
  4. Where do you take someone who’s been in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.
  5. Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.
  6. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

Cringiest Dad Jokes

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  1. Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able.
  2. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  3. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh, sheet.
  4. What was even more useful than the first telephone? The second telephone.
  5. I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
  6. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
  7. Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

Worst Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

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  1. Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
  2. Why did the god of thunder need to stretch his legs? He was a little Thor.
  3. What’s the least spoken language? Sign language.
  4. What building in your town has the most stories? The public library.
  5. Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the beer store and I'm scared it will be closed.
  6. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

Silly Dad Jokes

  1. What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
  2. What looks like half a tree? The other half.
  3. Two guys walked into a bar... the third one ducked.
  4. Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

Funny Dad Jokes

  1. What do you call a Frenchman who has been attacked by a cat? Claude.
  2. My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill. Looks like she's preparing some kind of barbie queue.
  3. How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Dad Jokes About Food

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  1. Someone told me that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that’s not nececelery true.
  2. My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!
  3. Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
  4. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where's Pop Corn?
  5. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
  6. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  7. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.
  8. I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn’t crack it.
  9. How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill.

Dad Jokes For Kids

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  1. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  2. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
  3. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
  4. I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, “Yes, try Sarah Topps.”
  5. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
  6. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
  7. What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
  8. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  9. I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey.... but I turned myself around

Dad Jokes About Animals

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  1. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? Because she was a little horse.
  2. What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.
  3. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
  4. Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her.
  5. What’s a dog’s favorite super hero? Labra-Thor.
  6. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
  7. A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. "I am a turtle," he says. "Who's on your back?" "That's Michelle."
  8. Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? Because they can’t control their licker.
  9. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

Dad Jokes About Sports

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  1. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
  2. Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from? The tooth fairy.
  3. I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  4. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
  5. What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast
  6. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
  7. Why don't football players were glasses? It's a contact sport.
  8. Why couldn't the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.
  9. What's the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.

Dad Jokes For Birthdays

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  1. What happens if no one turns up to your birthday party? You get to have you cake and eat it, too.
  2. Why didn't the teddy bear eat any of its birthday cake? Because it was already stuffed!
  3. Why don't kids remember their past birthday parties? They're too focused on the present!
  4. What type of party do you throw for a dog’s birthday? A ball.
  5. What are you if you go to a ghost birthday party? The life of the party!

Dad Jokes About Candles

  1. Do you know why I get heartburn when I eat birthday cake? I always forget to blow out the candles!
  2. Why do people put birthday candles on top of a birthday cake? Because you can't put them on the bottom, can you?!
  3. What kind of candle burns longer than others? None, silly — they all burn shorter.
  4. Why do candles love birthdays? They like to get lit.

Dad Jokes About Weddings

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  1. I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers.
  2. My antenna married my neighbor’s antenna. The wedding was not so good as this one, but the reception was fantastic!

Dad Jokes About Getting Married

  1. What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
  2. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
  3. Did you hear about the two florists who got married? It was an arranged marriage.
  4. Two cannonballs got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
  5. I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

Dad Jokes About Body & Mind

  1. Dad: Well, you know what they say, the memory is the second thing to go. Son: What's the first? Dad: I forget.
  2. Stop thinking of them as “hot flashes.” Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.
  3. I told my doctor I could only hear buzzing. He said don’t worry, it’s just a bug going around.

Dad Jokes About Getting Older

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  1. How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night.
  2. What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
  3. If you lose something in a senior care home, don't stop looking until you've searched every nook and granny.
  4. An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. "So," he says, "Do I come here often?"

Dad Jokes About Being Old

  1. What is a prize old people can win for aging? Atrophy.
  2. Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck…
  3. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Dad Jokes About Relationships

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  1. My wife found a spider in our house and told me to take it out, so I did. We had a few drinks, pretty nice guy.
  2. My wife screamed, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?!” What a weird place to start a conversation.
  3. My wife is mad I keep introducing her as my “ex-girlfriend”. So I went with “ex-fiancé” instead.
  4. Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?” Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."
  5. Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.

Dad Jokes That Provoke A Good-Natured Eye Roll

  1. Don’t trust Adams. They make up everything.
  2. I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.
  3. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Dad Jokes About Haircuts

  1. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  2. "Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

Dad Jokes About Work

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  1. Why did the construction workers always bring a pencil to lunch? They wanted to draw their own conclusions!
  2. Why did the sandwich get a promotion? Because he was the best thing since sliced bread.
  3. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.
  4. I used to work for the paper business. But then it folded.
  5. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.

Dad Jokes About Father’s Day

  1. What did the baby computer say to its dad on Father's Day? Happy Father's Day, Data!
  2. Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales? Because fathers are priceless.
  3. Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day? Because they thought he was the coolest dad.

Dad Jokes About Parenthood

  1. “Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
  2. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
  3. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Dad Jokes About Books

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  1. What has a spine but no bones? A book.
  2. What would happen if you threw all the books in the ocean? It would cause a title wave.
  3. Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.

Dad Jokes About Music

  1. What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
  2. What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
  3. What kind of music does a boulder like? Rock ‘n’ roll.
  4. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Dad Jokes About Money

  1. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
  2. Where does 007 invest his money? In the bond market.
  3. What did the comedian say when he walked into the bank? This is a standup.

Dad Jokes About Cars

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  1. What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas? A Ford Siesta.
  2. I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
  3. What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? Automobile.

Dad Jokes About Laziness

  1. Don’t get mad at lazy people. They didn’t do anything.
  2. Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.” Interviewee: “Lazy.”
  3. Want to hear a joke about procrastination? I’ll tell you later.

Dad Jokes About Summer

  1. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
  2. What do you call a Golden Retriever at the beach? A hot dog.
  3. Why don’t fish go on summer vacation? Because they’re always in schools.

Dad Jokes About Love

  1. We're not socks. But I think we'd make a great pair.
  2. Do you like vegetables? Because I love you from my head tomatoes.
  3. Never laugh at your significant other's choices — because you happen to be one of them.

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